I write about the flaws in relationships I see around me. I keep getting hit with the question of why I do want commitment if it’s such a terrible thing. My reasons may not be all deeply soulful or romantic or even honourable. As I see it, commitment (read marriage) is a solution to a number of niggling, nuisance-ey problems.
Sure I enjoy the joy of being liberated, the freedom to decide my own social life, and the no-responsibilities carefree lifestyle that my committed friends seem to envy me for. I have written about the virtues of being single.https://youtu.be/f38Tkv-3Bn8?si=bNT8Q9GVqBqn92iY
But there are plenty of things that I don’t like about being single. Being single means a whole lot of things to a whole lot of people (many of whom in my esteemed two-bit opinion shouldn’t poke their nose into my life at all). Here are some reasons I would like to be in a committed relationship.
- Wives of guy friends do not view you with immediate suspicion assuming that you’re just scheming to steal their man away, never mind the fact that you’ve probably had a chance to do that if you wished much before they even set foot in the man’s life.
- You are not required to be a last-minute escort (if you’re female) or chauffeur (if you’re male) for out-of-town single friends of friends/ family.
- You don’t get mysteriously dropped out of movie/ dinner plans with friends who are all now part of twosomes each.
- Other women (even your friends) don’t make direct or indirect references to your supposedly exciting, fast-moving sex/dating life.
- Eyebrows don’t shoot up when you pick up a baby or coo to a child. Who says single women can’t be maternal?
- You are not automatically put into one of two buckets – repulsive/ sick/ defective or flighty/ fast/ sluttish.
- You aren’t the target of unwanted and embarrassing attention from married men of the neighbours/ schoolmates/ husbands of colleagues/ ex-boyfriends variety.
- You are allowed to have problems too and no one shuts you up with “What do you know? You don’t have to run a household/ adjust to a man/ kids to look after.”
- You don’t have to leave parties and social engagements early so as to avoid imposing on friends to drop you home.
- Your family is willing to let you live your own life.
- Your personal life and social calendar don’t become everyone’s personal property for value judgment – relatives, colleagues, acquaintances, neighbours, co-passengers.
Obviously, these are not ALL the reasons to get into a relationship. If anything these are the ‘fringe benefits’ of a relationship that have started to become so important that I’m inclined to think a good number of women would want to commit just so they can enjoy all of these. I’m really tired of having to fight a battle each time I want to do something, simply because I’m single. The same thing seems to move so much faster for women who have an ‘attached’ tag on. Granted social engagements and lifestyle options aren’t the most important things in the world. But that’s precisely why it seems like such a waste to have to go to so much effort for something so minor – or go without. Commitment is a convenience at best.
A relationship has its uses and I’m unabashed in saying that I intend to enjoy all of them fully when I get into one.