I used to be one helluva firebrand. So of course my friends had to be people who enjoyed playing with fire. Once a guy friend forwarded a mail titled “Guys rules” to his entire address book with a comment “Now what?”. I took one look at it, started smoking at the ears and dashed off a retort marked “Reply all”. I got a lot of responses on that one.
I came across it recently and it made me smile to think of the dragon-ess I used to be and my dear fire-handling friends who put up with all the burns that resulted. Needless to say I enjoyed writing it and also reading the indignant replies that I got for it. Here it is:
* Contrary to popular male perception, ‘Babe’, ‘Chick’, ‘Hot number’ and ‘Item’ are not compliments. And no, we would not care to try it out on you to see if you mind…we don’t give fake compliments.
* If you think marriage is the end of a guy, ask HIM why he went down on bended knee and did the flowers-ring routine.
* Watch it with the mother-in-law jokes. Remember we have mom-in-laws too and our sense of humour can get nastier.
* If you want us to spend all our lives around you, make sure you are good enough to replace what we give up for it.
* Yes, we do think a lot about things like love and feelings and emotions and we are not ashamed of it. After all, if we didn’t, how would we know just the right things to say when we had to soothe your piddly little, injured egos?
* If ogling at other women is a genetic trait, then fishing out our lil black books and making some calls is called keeping ‘in touch’ with ‘old friends’.
* Soap operas are no more nonsensical than WWF and Knights n warriors.
* The world does NOT revolve around you and your wants. Accept it…Galelio was one of your kin, after all.
* We do have friends and family other than you and we would like to meet them too. We love our freedom just as much as you do yours. Accept it.
* You can stop describing our relationship in baseball terms to your buddies before you tell us to stop ‘whining’ to our girlfriends. And NO, size isn’t something women discuss, whatever you may think.
* If you think women make bad drivers, think of the one who transported you for close to a year, inside her own body, without a single accident.
* This is not the Neanderthal Age and women are not creatures to be hunted and conquered. GET THAT RIGHT!
* An ex-girlfriend’s number does not become your property to be circulated to all and sundry. This is a disclaimer and violations MUST be punished… Ms.Bobbit comes to mind!
* Crying is blackmail…sure. So are rhetorical questions
“Are you speaking to your ex- again? Do we have to watch this show? Do you really enjoy this crap?”
* Fine, we know many of the world’s famous cooks are men. And we also know 99% of the population eats what’s cooked by a woman. And most likely, you fall in that category! With the former it is a 9-5 career, with the women it is yet another one of the hundreds of things to do in life. If your culinary skills are so great, we’d love give you a chance to show them off…for the rest of your lives.
* If you don’t like waiting while we get ready, call shopping for clothes ‘boring’, complain about make-up frills, then stop expecting us to look like beauty queens.
* Careers are not only YOUR birth-rights. Anyone with education and ambition is entitled to them, gender NO BAR!
* Discussion is what those guys in suits do on TV and get paid for it. Talking about anyone when they are not around is GOSSIP whatever you say.