I was looking up sarees online. My mother thought my choices might not look that impressive on video calls. I told her, “The pandemic will not last forever.”
Three-fourths of a year into a global shutdown, I can see how it can be difficult to remember this. In addition, the lifting of lockdown is making a lot of people act irresponsibly. The pandemic is not over. But some day it will be. Because nothing lasts for ever. Not November rain, not recession, not violent relationships, not even grief over death.
I know all the behaviours I see around me are expected & normal. Denial (anti-maskers, vacationers, flogging a dead actor instead of policing safety measures) is a form of escape from uncomfortable realities. Agression (hate spewing, public nuisances) is an assertion of power in a situation where one feels powerless. And desolation which I’ve felt myself in this time, is the bleak absolute loss of all hope. It is for this last that I bring this thought. Hope is a beacon. And the thought that all things are finite, spells hope to me.
I’m cheered by the thought that some day I will stand on a stage again. Some day I will sit in a coffeeshop across from a friend. One day, I’ll explore old histories of cities via its broken buildings & memories of flamingos again. I will walk a quiet road & only worry about security, not safety. I will stand on a beach, awaiting waves, feeling sand under my toes, tasting freedom again. I will walk past bookshelves in strange places and touch paper spines with wonder, not fear. And I will do these with more meaning & pleasure than I did before, because of these last few months of deprivation.
This sentiment gives me impetus to get through my day. It helps me focus on healing & health rather than my wounds. The question of what comes next is not bleak.
Who is the person you’re looking forward to meeting again? What experience are you imaging that will be even more wonderful now? For me, it’s swimming. Packing my kit, walking out of the door, taking an auto, changing in the shower, jumping into the water. Heaven awaits.
So, what’s next for you?