@agentsofishq’s ‘An Evening of No Regrets’ gave me pause. Do I truly have no regrets?For most of my teen years & adult life, I’ve tried to live a life free of regret. Early on, this meant being cautious about navigating gender pressures & unrealistic expectations. The thing about growing up…
Spoiler alert: This post talks about the film Gehraiyaan & references several key plot points. If you haven’t seen the film & plan to, please do not read further. Trigger warnings: Childhood neglect, self-harm, abuse, infidelity. ~O~O~O~O~O~O~ Yes, I said that. I know today is Valentine’s Day & this film…
You tell me this is what it means to loveYou say that is love, this is lovingYou point me to poetryas a dictionary for the love languageAnd therapy terminologyto dissect this feeling These my friend,are conversations about love,Not love itself(And note, that I call you ‘friend’,not ‘my love’)Because I’ve read…
I feel like I’m a different person out in the world. I enjoy dressing up because I love the reactions of the world to my style. It’s not always positive. I also find ridicule, envy, shaming & other things. Each is a reaction, a conversation with society, with humanity in…
The month was full of learning. 2020 was hard, getting hit by a pandemic no one had seen the likes of. But 2021 was the slow, grueling grind back into a world that will never be the same. The soul-crushing realisation that all things break – stability, connections & worst…
Does anybody remember Sincerity? She hasn’t been seen in a long time. We read about her in Moral Science textbooks. We co-opted her name in the style of the (insincere) British as we learnt to sign letters. Sincerely, Yours. Sincerity was never in vogue. He’s come in under attack by…
I don’t think I grasped that a new normal would have to be a new idea of normal. I don’t know if I’ll ever travel by junta public transport again, the second class compartments, the trains & metros. By the time it may be safe to, I may not physically…
Do we know how to relate to other people without fear & hurt driving us?What we call relationships seem to be people taking turns to misbehave.When small children behave badly, it’s called tantrum throwing. They’re parented with punishments to instill fear & distress – adult version of the same. Women…
Remember the collectors’set I received in 𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝕱𝖊𝖑𝖑𝖔𝖜𝖘𝖍𝖎𝖕 𝕺𝖋 𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝕽𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖊𝖗𝖘? I got to 19 without completing it. Final year, I was regretfully back in a course I’d tried to escape, squirming in a world that never stopped feeling foreign. Old associations die harder than habits so I didn’t have…
I lost a friendship sometime ago because the person took something I said on one of my Instagram Lives, personally. I don’t know what was said or which Live it was but I know I didn’t say anything aimed at them or about them. I know this because I’ve been…
This week I’ve been indulging my hobby of classifying human behaviour & personalities into types with the original system – zodiac signs! It’s also the theme of my Instagram Live at 10PM IST tonight which will be saved as a video to my IGTV later. Imagine each zodiac sign as…
I’ve been taking tentative steps towards normal life (or whatever that looks like) in 2021. I went to Bandra to meet a friend for a meal & a walk. Two days later, I went out to lunch with my family. It feels like therapy after a surgery, using muscles, thoughts,…
On body policing & the censorship of our personal stories because of it.
I love colour. Bright, vibrant hues lift my mood. What’s on the outside is connected to what’s on the inside and I like them in harmony. I’m a summer child. A Mumbaiker lives with a permanant layer of humidity on the skin. And that’s as good as my city hugging…
This post was written on Christmas Day, 2020. This picture is one of the last ones taken in December 2019. I had a Christmas Eve date (hence the colour theme). It was with someone I’d matched with on the same day I had a run-in with my past. I would…
There is something about living your best self that draws in other people. We call its wonderful parts, inspiration. The pleasure of watching someone achieve their dream, follow their passion, be happy. But it also pulls in darker sides of humanity. Microaggressions like insincerity, barbs, sarcasm, condescension. Boundary violations like…
This post was written on Diwali but it feels appropriate for now too. I bought this saree last year ironically. I have trouble with festivals because any religious occasion comes tainted by misogyny, casteism & fundamentalism. It was the first Diwali in 4 years I was spending in the city,…
My truth comes calling,on an international phone callSounding exactly likeevery other person who thinksthey have something important to say Except this one always doesFor sure, her words are truth,her truths truer.She thinks I need to be better,work harder, be smarter at my job I know, I know, I haven’t done…
A book I’m reading features a couple. The man supports the woman’s independence, teaching her vital skills that help her break gender shackles. He also cheats, a trauma that dogs the woman for years even as she finds success. Much later, they work together in a war against a brutal…
There will be days like this one. Not warm enough to fight. Not bright enough to shield from. But with incessant dripping acid drops that corrode every spot of your spirit. When every impatient word lands like burning shrapnel on your skin. And when every thoughtless action & every unreturned…
