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  1. Do you ever wonder if he would apologize to you if he read this blog entry?Would that give you closure? I think you should reclaim whatever he took from you using rap as a weapon.Reclaim yourself using the very thing that made you feel powerless.Go on.Keep confronting your demons.They’ll be gone sooner then.

    1. @Hita: I don’t know if he will. I don’t think so. Apologising requires facing the truth and I don’t think he even feels able to acknowledge the things that happened. It’s not exactly closure because I’ve been working on that every single day for the past three years. It’s a sense of complete erasure of the residue of him in my life. The fears that Performance Poetry brings up are a part of that. But you’re right. Reclaiming it will help. I don’t know how and even whether I’ll be able to do that. But life has been magically surprising that way – unexpected friends and completely unanticipated empathy like your comment.

      So thank you, thank you very much for listening and for offering your empathy. It helps.

  2. Hmm.Just out of curiosity.Don’t answer it if it’s a dumb or too insensitive question.It’s a question that I sometimes ask myself.If by some chance, you knew that this relationship would end and knew how much pain was there at the end of this relationship beforehand, would you still go down the same road?Has it changed you in a better way albeit painfully and brought out something that you never had before so that you have no regrets about going forward and plunging into it?

    1. @Hita: I don’t usually like regretting life experiences because, well, what’s the point? And every experience has usually brought its fair share of lessons even if it had been painful. But this experience just involved so many lies, so much unwarranted negativity and deliberate malice, if I had known, I think I might not have gotten into it.

      Then again, this answer changes depending on where I am in my life. Yes, I’ve asked myself this many times and it usually depends on how positive/strong I’m feeling about things at that moment or not. Currently, I’m feeling exhausted and beaten so I think, this person and this relationship, I really could have done without, for all that it took out from me and all the humiliation and pain it subjected me to.

  3. Thank you for such an honest reply, Ramya.What you said was comforting.Hope you will be able to put all this behind you soon.Stay strong.

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