Biliously Yours

I have tasted jealousy. I have been served jealousy in cut glass flirtations & fancy silverware. I’ve been slipped jealousy, hidden inside sweaty palms & in backhand insults. I’ve thrown back jealousy spiked into distractions like a worm at the bottom of a shot glass. And I’ve cut jealousy into bite-sized pieces of pop psychology ... Read More

Parting Gifts

This post was written on Christmas Day, 2020. This picture is one of the last ones taken in December 2019. I had a Christmas Eve date (hence the colour theme). It was with someone I’d matched with on the same day I had a run-in with my past. I would get pulled into a complicated ... Read More

Fortune Hunting

I turned 21 in a world that promised much even for an averager like me. Then a plane flew into the twin towers & all millenium dreams crumbled. Things they never teach you about in a boom economy b-school: how to spell RECESSION. I landed a job, found harassment, ran away as fast as my ... Read More

Reclaiming Fairytales

Remember the emotional breakdown scene in QUEEN where Kangana bemoans wandering the streets of Paris by herself instead of with the new husband are thought she’d have? I thought I’d have a wedding & a honeymoon in December 2012. I didn’t. Earlier that year I’d been to Goa, my one vacation with my then partner. ... Read More

Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby

It could be a lot of things. Commitment. A bribe. A power game. Love? Not necessarily. And there are things that have got nothing to do with sex. Like good looks. Religion. Rebellion. Daddy issues. Mommy issues. Alcohol. Everybody has a problem with sex. This is because everybody has problems. We spend our lives trying ... Read More

Lessons On Being Loved

Some of us need to learn how to be loved. How to receive warmth & not fear burns. How to forget that trembling alone, arms wrapped around ourselves, is not the same thing as being held. How to feel without flinching. How to change a body rhythm that only beats to shivering in the cold. ... Read More

Reflection

I hope you will find yourself beyond your wounds & your scars. Because you were there long before your bullies were. And you’re there after they’ve gone. I hope you can see yourself in ways I can’t see you. Maybe nobody can or ever will. I know you already do, actually. But you hide it ... Read More

Deep Breath

A new year is under way all things that 2020 was. Are we ready to let it go? Or are we still clinging to our wounds? Everything about my picture is 2020. Pictures at my table instead of on stage. Spectacles. Showing the world my frown. Does it matter why? Does my perfect 20/20 vision ... Read More

A Big Word

When people say the word ‘love’, I usually recoil. I say that’s a real big word, one I don’t really know how to say. My language is rooted in past experiences & it pulls up memories of difficult feelings when it registers the word love. And then there are moods like today. I see pain ... Read More

Ashamed

This month I’ve encountered jealousy, anger, self-doubt, regret, worry & desire. It’s been a month of big feelings. And every time something I call discomfort, rises. I’ve been squirming & grimacing like there was something in my innards that didn’t sit well. It’s called shame. Never mind why I’ve found shame in having large feelings. ... Read More

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