Some of us need to learn how to be loved. How to receive warmth & not fear burns. How to forget that trembling alone, arms wrapped around ourselves, is not the same thing as being held. How to feel without flinching. How to change a body rhythm that only beats to shivering in the cold.
Some of us shout our names louder when people come close because we lose ourselves in other people. Company feels like obliteration as we watch our selves vaporise in the fire of what other people want, what they need. Me me me it echoes & every strange look tamps it down a little until all that comes from our lips is hot air.
Some of us don’t open our mouths when we smile because our name is the last vestige we have of our truth & if that escapes into sound & no one hears it, did we ever exist at all? We don’t cry for ourselves because our tears were long highjacked by people to light up their sparkling pity parties.
Some of us don’t trust I-love-yous because we know I is a lie and the rest of that sentence is a lifetime sentence, not a fairytale. Some of us only learnt to count the four letters in the word love & treat it like every other four-letter word – an attack.
All of us are learning how to let love in better but some of us are better teachers than we’re students. All of us need to remember that love moves both ways & so does need. But some of us frozen in shell shock & time, still don’t know what that means.