First Deaths

The first time you watch someone die is a surprise because wasn’t death supposed to be silent? In between the wails & screaming sirens, you find yourself bumping into uncomfortable thoughts.   Funerals are for the living. Lavish performances for the soap operas of everyday lives. Maybe some people deserve to die. Some people have better deaths than lives.

The first time you see someone die forces you to the realization that you must be stupid because this keeps coming as a surprise. How long before you get used to the idea that you, me, we are all going to die some day? Because that’s really all mourning is.

The first time I watched ‘Sixth Sense’, I felt myself echoed on screen. Each time he says “I see dead people. They’re everywhere. They don’t know they’re dead.” I want to hold his hand & nod. It’s all of us. I see them, I see us too. We’re all dying and we’re walking around not knowing it. Some go too early, some too late, yes this is true.

The fact that stories end doesn’t scare me. What scares me is the living & how people live. As if we’d never die. As if we have all the time in the world to cut and destroy ourselves & each other. And it makes me cry. It makes me think I’m wasting precious moments of living on other living creatures. And then it makes me realise, this after is preparing for death. All life is.

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