To ‘the one special woman’,
You are the stuff of memories that never fade, rust or get forgotten. You are the overriding factor above everything hormonal, practical, emotional, logical and fair. Indeed, you must be special.
I’ve been thinking about you a lot. Do you know who I am? I am the one who he leaves to chase you. Or the one who battles with the unsurmountable statue of you up on the pedestal. I am the real-world girlfriend. I spend the boring, traffic-laden, polluted days with him while he reminisces about the special candlit dinner-violin serenaded moments with you.
Actually we’ve met a few times. Once you were a good friend who toyed with the idea of him while I stood around waiting and then handed him back to me, slightly soiled, a few months later. The thing is you gave back to me his bruised ego to heal but not the fragments of his heart. That you kept for yourself and I’ll never be able to touch them.
Some other times you’re a stranger, nice and pleasant. You are never off-balance, never irrational, you never scream like a banshee. No, I do that….after all, security brings a level of peace and calm and I wouldn’t know what that looked like.
A lot of other times we haven’t actually met or even spoken. I’ve looked at photographs of you, heard about you from friends (and from him) and wondered a great deal about what you must have that I don’t. You aren’t prettier. Or smarter. Or nicer. Or more loving. But in his memories, you are incomparable.
I’ve thrown in the towel a while ago. I can’t compete with a memory. Or perceived perfection. I am real. Flawed, inconsistent, imperfect. I have acne, PMS, extra inches around my tummy, doubtful taste. I’m the real thing. Well…that can never compare with the poetry of a fantasy, can it?
Your position isn’t exactly a complete one either. For you do know what will happen the minute you succumb? You’ll turn into me. I guess you know. Which is why you let this state exist as it is. I guess it is better to be adored from a distance than ignored right to your face.
Do I sound bitter? Yes, I am. Very. I wanted someone to want to settle down with me, not settle for me. No one wants to feel like a consolation prize.
‘My Best Friend’s wedding‘ was about me. But I am not always like that. The platitude talks about wanting happiness for someone you love, even if its not with you. I aspire to do that, even if I don’t always succeed. Believe me, if you think its difficult being friends with me, you have no clue what its like for me to battle envy and resentment and like you for who you are. Well, you are likeable. Which makes it even more difficult.
I won’t ever tell you this to your face. Why, I wouldn’t even admit to him that he’s important enough to me to colour my thoughts of another person. But I feel it. I guess all I have left is the thought that….
Eve’s greatest enemy isn’t Adam
But another Eve
Oh well, even if you are a better woman than I am, I think I love him more than you ever will. Now if only, he’d understand that. But that probably doesn’t matter.
The ordinary woman
A later version of this is posted here. This is also posted to Yahoo! Real Beauty.
just dropped by, ordinary woman… I hope you sort out your dilemma and find peace in the new year.
@ DC: 🙁 Oh well…
@ chrisfiore5: Thank you. This was just venting. A great 2007 to you too!
Poignant and heartfelt and sincere to the roots. However, why the “fallen” eve?
@ ratz: Because she keeps falling over and over again for the kind of man who is chasing the ‘special one’. And love is never anything more than a ‘falling’ for her….she falls lower and lower in her own eyes each time.
do you realise that while you may think of yourself as the ordinary woman, to a certain someone you might be the one special woman? and you might not even know that you are thought of this way..
You have no idea how much I can relate to this post, both as eve and the other eve! It’s spooky you wrote it! And with a title like that, you think I could borrow it for a post of my own, if I ever got around posting again?
Btw, Was good to meet you babe!
@ DC: I’ve thought of it. Then I concluded that its possible but not probable.
@ Menagerie: I enjoyed meeting you too! It would have been good to talk a bit more. And I’m glad you are posting. Please put up your thoughts on the matter and I’ll definitely be one of your readers!
it hurts either ways…
This is a good one!
But you know what.. if he doesnt understand how much the ordinary woman loves him, or how real she is, then he is probably not worth her at all in the first place. Let him go to the special woman, let him be bruised again, and let him come back to the real one, only that the real one should not take him back then!
Wow, I can completely relate to this post! What’s worse is when the other Eve happens to be your best friend.
@Anon: Yes, that sucks, I agree.