Ex-factor

Excruciating Intimacies: Navigating Through Poetry
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Excruciating Intimacies: Navigating Through Poetry

It isn’t intimacy unless it feels a little tender.

I Would Like To Leave This Way
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I Would Like To Leave This Way

๐˜ž๐˜ช๐˜ต๐˜ฉ ๐˜ค๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ง๐˜ช๐˜ฅ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ค๐˜ฆ & ๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ด๐˜ฐ ๐˜ธ๐˜ช๐˜ต๐˜ฉ ๐˜จ๐˜ณ๐˜ข๐˜ค๐˜ฆ. Smiling like I have a secret. Amused yet kind. I would like to leave in peace. ๐˜–๐˜ค๐˜ค๐˜ถ๐˜ฑ๐˜บ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ด๐˜ฑ๐˜ข๐˜ค๐˜ฆ ๐˜ ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฐ & ๐˜ธ๐˜ช๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ต ๐˜ธ๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ๐˜ณ๐˜บ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ฆ๐˜น๐˜ฑ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ, ๐˜ค๐˜ฐ๐˜ญ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ช๐˜ด๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ ๐˜ง๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ๐˜ต๐˜ช๐˜ง๐˜บ. I would like to leave without worrying about what I leave behind….

I Don’t Want To Move On
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I Don’t Want To Move On

I’ve done it before. Many times, many ways. ‘Moving on’ contains an element of escapism. Do you know how I know? Because the next thing that gets said is, “What else will you do?” There is taking action in an extreme situation like abuse. But many of us ‘move on’…

When Abandonment Wounds Are Your Teacher
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When Abandonment Wounds Are Your Teacher

There comes a point when you have to act like the person who left you will never come back. It’s essential to accept it in order to seek healing. But at some point, you must also ask yourself that if they do return, whether you’ll take them back. That’ll tell…

Love Gardener
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Love Gardener

We have to separate the feeling from the person who inspires them. We are so literal, we use the words “my love” to describe a sentiment as well as a person. But our feelings are entirely our own, to process, to draw from for poetry, to express in our ways,…

~B~L~U~E~ or A Rejection Of Romance
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~B~L~U~E~ or A Rejection Of Romance

His voice holds me. His words unravel me. And the trouble is the unraveling, the undoing, the blurring continue long after the voice has gone silent, the line cold. Because words, they linger. Burning flesh wounds inside defenses. And everything else feels harder, sharper, steelier. I am in a world…

The First Time After

The First Time After

We think of firsts as one-time only things. And we assume they’re the domain of the young, the uninitiated. Maybe ‘maturity’ is just a bitter word for loss of whatever makes us find the new. And yet, the universe is hardly finite. Time, unpredictable. It’s a lifelong journey of self-discovery….

Fullstop Face
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Fullstop Face

People are stories, works in progress Politics of affection and sexual congress But a face is a fullstop, brackets even I picture your face when I’m grieving The ‘I don’t care’ writ large and wide Autographing what’s breaking me inside Happy face, loveface all forgotten Fullstop points to all that…

Apocalypse Epiphany
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Apocalypse Epiphany

If you are reading this, you are very likely to survive everything that’s going on. You’ve got a better chance than most other people, on the road to homes they may never reach, having to choose between fighting hunger and an invisible virus. I will most likely come out of…

Recuperate
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Recuperate

For the ones dealing with long-buried memories and healing from old wounds.

Recuperate
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Recuperate

RECUPERATE – For the ones dealing with long-buried memories and healing from old wounds

Different Shades of Grief
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Different Shades of Grief

How many things shall I grieve? I was watching THAPPAD. I thought about the people who have hit me. In plural. I had experienced enough of it before I touched adulthood. Yet, at 23, when a man I loved hit me, I knew something was wrong. Was it the force…

Change Of Weather
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Change Of Weather

Weโ€™re running out of things to say to each other. It seems as if you donโ€™t like me very much anymore. You hate my car, my home, my gadgets, my life – everything that makes me successful. You want us to go back to a simpler life, for me to…

The Closure Experience
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The Closure Experience

Recently, I went out with someone who had just come off a long-term relationship. 20 year long term. First love, one and only forever and forever long term. One of the frequently mouthed platitudes of my 20s was to avoid a recently heartbroken man. Another was steer clear of the…

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Surviving the Seventeenth

Ten minutes ago I looked up from the Netflix show I was watching and the calendar screamed a date at me. In a few hours, it will be 9 years since I made one of the few impulsive decisions of my life. It is a decision I’ve been punished for…

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Second Best

I see you look with yearning eyes for people who don’t make time and space in their life for you. I can only give you second best – my company. I say second best, not because our conversations are less than the ones you could hope to have with anybody else….

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Memory Diving

You may look back more often than the world tells you that you should. You may linger in places you’ve already spent too many dark moments in, with no increasing clarity. Why did she leave? Why did he stay silent? What were they thinking? Did they ever consider how you…

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Where I Regret Doing The Right Thing

I met him at an event I was hosting. The growing crowds and reactions told meย Iย was doing well. It was welcome respite from the morning’s fight, a common occurrence in the horror story I was living inside. I was aware of him through the whole day, even as I juggled…

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Technicolour Prisms

Why do we look back when the natural way of things is to move forward? Because itโ€™s easy? Because itโ€™s nicer? Life never seems quite as wonderful when it is being lived. But in comparison with what weโ€™re feeling and facing and surviving at this moment, the heydays seem like…

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I’m Always Coming of Age

I’m like Sleeping Beauty in that I’ve been dead for most purposes, except for two years, not a hundred. An entirely consuming set of relationships and work projects burnt through me and left me in nothingness. And now I feel ready to awaken or be reborn. I say reborn, because…