I had my hair done today. Cropped short, coloured, highlighted…woddeva. Would you believe I don’t feel a thing now, 2 short hours later? The last time I had my hair done, the colour ran out in the shower and for a year after I endured a muddy-coloured thatch on my head. Never again I swore back then. Never say never.

Today I thought…what the hell, if I don’t like it, it’ll grow out. If I hate the haircut, it will grow back. Who cares? It ain’t gonna last.

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Mum took a look at it and pronounced

It looks wild

Since it didn’t sound like a rebuke, I gather even my ‘wildness’ has become routine for her. Sometime back she accused me of getting too wild and when I demanded she explain, she said…

Your hair is a blinding red
Your clothes get shorter and tighter
You’re staying out longer every day
You refuse to get married
You can’t stay in one job
Tattoos…and now what?

I don’t know mum, I really don’t know. And I’m so glad you don’t know.

Yesterday someone told me

You’re too cynical…why?

I don’t know. I don’t want to know anymore. I just want something to stay consistent. Optimism proves me wrong each time. At least I’m on even keel with cynicism.

Haircuts grow out. Colours fade. Clothes wear out.
Frienships drift apart. Lovers cool. Family members die. Ex-es get married.
Buildings fall. Bombs go off…as do guns.
Pavement dwellers are gone….cleared away by the BMC? Or mowed over? I don’t even know.

I don’t even recognize myself from last year. I used to think I was living other people’s aspirations earlier. Now I wonder if I’m living someone else’s life. But it doesn’t matter so much. It really doesn’t anymore. Love, religion, pain, God….everything matters so much and then suddenly not at all.

Permanence…..that elusive, almost dreamlike thought.

I know I can’t afford it
Aspirational value, didn’t someone say?
Well, it doesn’t fit my budget
So I pretend it doesn’t matter
While I buy the cheaper me-toos

I have a tattoo that will last as long as I will. Does that make me wild?

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* Inspired by Sapna Bhavnani‘s column in the Mirror today.

11 thoughts on “Wild child*”
  1. I have never been brave enough to color my hair (not that anything will stick, since it’s black–the only way I’d be able to color it is to completely bleach my hair, which is something I am not willing to do).

    But, more power to you! N one said being wild was a bad thing.

  2. I have never understood the necessity for change – coloured hair, tattoos, 5 inch heels. Is it necessary to be observed or to be in limelight? Or to be wild?

    Just a question. Is it necessary for a change? Is it too weird to find things getting static? Or is it necessary to make your point – as in to the whole world.

    I am not 50 years old and nor do I belong to the older generation. Just a question. What did it actually give you? :). I just want to know.

    An impluse can’t be an answer. Because it is just the upper level answer. Every impulse has something more to it.

  3. @ Vi: Ah, well…try it and see…after awhile u stop caring. Hair is just dead cells….and more dying every day.

    @ Old Man: Neither have I. But I don’t understand the need for permanence either. As for why I did it….who knows? Simple damn attention and fodder for another miserable post, perhaps.

  4. @ Manuscrypts: Guess I may have…and guess I was just hit by the holiday blues. Better now and preening with the new hairdo! Also, I was just at your blog a second ago so I guess we passed each other on the blogstreet.

  5. I missed her column this saturday.. was out of town.. i’m now trying to catch it online somewhere.. or in the raddi. :(..

    You just got a hair cut sometme back dint you?? one more?? wow.. I’m still not that detached.. yet..

  6. @ Pragz: Aww…pore thang, I don’t think the column’s available on the net. Ur raddi bin is a better bet.

    Yup, I got a haircut some weeks back. If I go on this way, I’ll probably greet Valentine’s day with a shorn head! πŸ˜‰

  7. hmm.. i got the paper.. unearthing the raddi helped.. as long as you are happy with less hair.. good for you. Its winter anyway.. you are allowed to shed!! :p

    and.. i like the name u’v given me.. pragz.. no one’s called me tht yet!!

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