Desire is a powerful, intoxicating force. We can easily let ourselves be blinded by what we want. We assume we know better, are quicker at making decisions or are righteous in what we want. Oh yes, I know what we want can come ratified by logic, social approval, even wisdom. But none of these cancel the fundamental human right to choose. This includes the right to make mistakes & the right to be confused.



Each choice is a complex navigation of emotion, impulse, opportunity & other social rules. In a basic world, we’d all communicate in simple YESes and NOs. But most life choices are not that binary. A firm yes or no needs us to understand ourselves perfectly in that moment. Most of us are not able to do that immediately. We are not always clear what we want & how much we want it, how we want it.

Getting what one wants almost always has to do with dealing with other people’s decisions & choices. I pride myself on being decisive. So it frustrates me to deal with other people’s ambivalence. I hate to feel thwarted or confused by mixed signals. It helps me to remember how often I’m not able to express my own boundaries myself.

I think we all fear that we will never get what we want. Impatience is always a sign of that. Is what we want worth the toll we pay? I find myself asking if I would want anything that wasn’t freely, willingly given. I know how corrosive resentment is. It’s a given in any situation that didn’t have all people fully on board.

No. I would not want to go anywhere I’m not wholeheartedly welcome. It’s too humiliating & hurtful to recognise that lack of welcome in another’s eyes. It cannot be hidden. Nothing is worth that. This isn’t ego, it’s respect for the self & the other.

True, people play games because it makes them feel more powerful or secure. That’s a setup for toxicity. It doesn’t take a big personality or fancy speech to express enthusiasm. Human beings manage to convey it in a variety of ways & also understand it. I say it’s worth waiting for.

This isn’t about villifying desire. It’s human to want. The real question is in whether you’re defined by what you seek or by how you receive it.

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