I ate two eggs this morning, breaking my week long vegetarian diet. The idea came to me when I was researching ‘Depression diet’ after my post last night. I’ve lived among so many people who claim depression and tried to support them in my inadequate, fumbling ways that it never occurred to me that it could infect me as well. But respite came in the form of that tangible list of foods and actions I found. So much of it is chemical.
I felt better today. Not happier but just a little more able to cope. And then I realised that unlike a lot of those aforementioned people, I don’t actively enjoy feeling bad, weak, miserable, helpless or unwell. And as long as that is true, there is always hope.
Relief came from unexpected quarters. In a tweet from a stranger trying valiantly, awkwardly but honestly to help. From a friend who sometimes asks for help and for the first time, felt able to offer help. From someone who went from slight acquaintance to friend when he admitted that the reason he doesn’t like a common friend is because he feels a little possessive about our friendship. From a coffee-chocolate drink with no ice shards. From a post midnight subtweeting ramble. And then the path ahead stretched on.
I’m walking. Thank you.