General zingers
· You deserve an Oscar for the best impersonation of a human being that I’ve ever seen.
· If I were politically correct, I’d refer to you as cranially challenged
· Of course there are a lot of people who care about you; they call themselves PETA
· They named an element after you…it is unstable and hazardous to human beings.
· You have a special place in this world…the corner bed in the mental asylum
· You are one in a million…the one the rest of us want to chuck out.
· How did you get the hospital to approve your birth certificate…bit them at full moon?

To be used against pick-up line users
· Tell me more about yourself, Neanderthal men fascinate me
· There is nobody like you in this world…the rest of us are human
· Talking to you is so enriching; suffering builds character after all
· You are an inspiration…you make me want to write…about murder and blood
· I’d like to say three little words to you: “GET LOST, JERK!”

Unexpected replies to insults
· Of course I’m stupid…I’m talking to you, aren’t I?
· If you are what is passing for human these days, I’m resigning from the homo sapiens and joining the Martians instead!
· I know I’m boring, look at who I have for a conversation partner
· You make me feel good about myself. When I see you I’m glad I’m not you instead.

For exes
· Life is a four-letter word when you’re a part of it.
· I guess there are worse things than being with you…I could have been you.
· You’re right, I have awful taste, look at what I have for a boyfriend
· Our romance is like a fairytale…Beauty and the Beast
· If all men are like you, I’d rather be lesbian

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