There are days I hate my job for how little time it leaves me for the rest of my life. And other days, I’m grateful for my job for the very same reason.
This has been a week, month, no….six whole months of mad work. Time has passed and I never even realised that its been nearly a year-and-a-half since I signed the offer letter. That’s longer than any job I’ve held. Or any relationship I’ve had.
There have been disappointments, annoyances. I’ve had moments of such strain that I thought I’d break and just throw in the towel and resign. And known I couldn’t do that because I’d be running away. And to where?
I found some friends. I get attached to people pretty quick and it always shakes me up when a colleague resigns, even if I’m not that close to them. I’m a creature of habit I guess and it is painful to not have a face I’m used to seeing everyday, around anymore.
In a few months, every single person who comprised the office when I joined, would have left. And that scares me. Because I realise now I’ve become part of the fabric here. One of the ‘people who comprise this place’, one of the ‘old hands’ so to speak. That makes me feel good too. And wonder where my restlessness has gone.
Yesterday I was in the office late, very late. Around 7:30 pm, the hunger pangs hit me so hard, I couldn’t think straight and I walked around to some of my colleagues digging for a biscuit or something to stuff into me (I promised to wear a signboard around my neck saying “Will work for food” from next week). Then I ordered some food. Half an hour later (after a colleague-friend had saved my life with a pack of biscuits) my food arrived, right in the middle of an intense discussion with my director.
He smiled at me and said, “Go and eat. I know you’re very hungry.”
That made me feel good, it did.
I don’t know when I passed on from feeling over-awed/scared/rebellious towards senior people. But I don’t anymore. I don’t see them as authority figures, more like…well, managers, directors, just that. It is a good feeling. To respect without fearing.
And finally, having an absorbing, demanding job is probably what has kept me from going into depression over being single. Don’t laugh…its happening to at least 3 women I know in their late twenties and they’re so close and similar to me, I’m wary that its going to hit me any minute.
For the time being though, I’m pretty okay with life. I have a good relationship with my job and it keeps me happy.