My best friend once warned me that,
A man who has just broken up is the most dangerous of all.
Of course she was right. That’s why she’s the BEST FRIEND. Pity I didn’t listen to her…but we never do listen to good advice, do we?
Forgive me for being a wee bit (okay, a whole lot) of a male-basher in this post but I can’t help thinking of the countless hours, days, weeks spent sniffy-nosed, red-eyed, going to pieces over every sentimental song, every couple on the street and every memory, after a break-up. I remember all such moments in my life and those in my close friends lives. After all, like the SATC rerun I’ve just watched concludes
No matter how long you were together or how much you hurt…you’ll never get through it without your friends.
On the other hand, what do the men I see around me do when they break up?
- Celebrate with the guys
- Celebrate with a new girl
- Propose marriage to the new girl
- Bitch about the old girl to the buddies
- Try to get the old girl into bed
- Make old girl feel bad for dating other men (after three months as opposed to his new girlfriend, a week later)
- Flirt with old girl’s friends
Fine then, we have different ways of dealing with our losses and this blog is assuming from hereon that men don’t feel as much and hence don’t hurt as much. Now gurls, the thing to remember though, is that your ex-boyfriend is not even a fraction as dangerous to you as he is to other women. Imagine how many other women he can make miserable now!
Sure, we’ve all heard of those who ‘just haven’t found the right woman as yet’. Umm….I’ve been sure plenty of times that I was the right woman. Wrong, lady. I was merely the rebound girlfriend (SATC calls it ‘transition girlfriend’). And that’s a precarious situation to be in. The rebound girlfriend gets to soothe his injured ego, piece together his broken heart and listen to reminisces (and bitching) about the ex-. She rarely if ever, gets to create new memories with him.
What to do then?
Should one be the nice, sympathetic, caring and giving self and risk watching one’s efforts get washed away like the bath water as he cleans his messy lovelife all over one’s heart? And then, to add insult to injury, wipes his feet on you as he walks out of the door to chase the girl who is going to be the new love of his life?
Or should you withhold, be practical, aloof, difficult to reach, wondering all the while if SOMEONE doesn’t talk, how’s the conversation (a.k.a. the relationship) ever going to start? That’s safe…but no, not really. In the first case, he probably doesn’t even remember you except as “Oh, her….we had this thing once which didn’t work out. But umm….she’s a lovely person, really.” In this second case you become the cold bitch who made him rubbed salt into the wounds that the first ex- gave him. Well, at least you won’t be forgotten.
Ms. Nasty versus Ms.Whats-her-name-Lovely-Person. Better to be a bitch than to be forgotten? Methinx, better to listen to the BEST FRIEND next time. Henceforth no dating a man, who hasn’t been single for at least a year.