My Wonder Years
Lately I’ve been feeling like I’ve been too tame and safe, not done enough to have a life I can be proud of. This year has been a lot about catching up…..the sabbatical, tattoo, dating, blogging….everything is about trying to return to the life I once hoped I would live.
Two of my friends were discussing how they got into smoking and other such things. One of them said…”I was a ‘good boy’ till I was about 18 or so. Till then it was only messing around with Korex…you know?” And they both laughed.
Recently I spoke to one of the wildest people I’ve known. We were classmates once and he was boasting about the wild sex life he had then, counting off how many women in our class he’d slept with.
It is always interesting to listen to people who appear to have lived more interesting lives than I have.
I thought, “What was I doing at that time?”
– Reading. A lot…..transactional analysis, management books, P.G.Wodehouse, Ayn Rand, Richard Bach, George Orwell…
– Taking long walks all by myself down the bylanes close to my college
– Pondering on the meaning of life
– Trying to understand religion by visiting temples and churches
– Sketching things I saw around me and some abstract pictures I just liked but couldn’t quite explain
– Cutting physics class and sneaking into the psychology class because that was so much more fascinating
– Writing….poetry that I never showed anyone, long ramblings full of questions that I still don’t have answers for
– Giggling. And being very silly. Like deciding by common consensus on one ‘bakra’ for the week who would then be followed and stared at by a bunch of girls till he completely freaked out. Like irritating each other with funny, crank calls that always began with “Is your clock running?”
– Talking. To a lot of people. About love and life and relationships and education and family and sex and marriage and childhood and dreams
– Being in love. Quietly, from a distance. Standing right next to him, talking to him and never letting him know.
– Watching the sunrise over buildings from the third floor balcony and slipping away before my classmates came in.
– Thinking. So very much.
I had a lot of friends but not a single boyfriend till I was nearly out of college. I didn’t even try a cigarette till I was 20. Or drink for that matter. Somehow I just wasn’t tempted to, at that time. I probably seemed very boring and precocious to my peers then.
And yet, those really were the best years of my life. I treasure the memories of certain conversations and people….
…..one with the girl who is my best friend today, right after her first break-up, where she told me “When it came to this, I could only think of you to talk to. You’re really my best friend.”
…..another with the friend of a friend, that began when I found her sitting outside the locked gates at 7 a.m., and told her “I thought I was the only one who got here at this hour”. And she said “I got thrown out of home.”
……and one friend who’d come over to tell me about his newest girlfriend but really want to talk about the trouble at home
……One conversation I had with a guy and a girl, all three of us strangers to each other, for 2 hours about truth and perceptions.
……Long email conversations with a 40 year old whom I’d never met (still haven’t) talking about the experience of love and marriage and faith.
……the ones with a Christian friend who was examining her beliefs just the same way I was and comparing notes on Hindusim and Christianity with her
……one boy who talked to me because I was the only one in the group to read and introduced me to Stephen King. He had an accident a month later and partial amnesia and didn’t remember my face for the rest of our college life.
……’Messy geometry’ in the form of three of my guy friends having a crush on one of my close friends and trying to get me to help them get in good with her. All while ‘she’ was also using my advice on how to fend them off. 🙂 I was always good at giving advice….I did manage to keep all four of them happy and still friends with me.
No more regrets.
The wonder years were just as wonderful for me as they were for any of the other people I know.
Lovely. The post forays into my thoughts, and one of my articles, freakily reflects the same.
u dont seem to have done too badly at all…exploration is the way to be….btw, have u found ne indicators to the effect that “mind” is ur “mind”…to me, mind is just mind…a collation of thoughts that flow through us…not from us…we just tune in to some and develop on it…
beautiful….i think i understand what u mean….u seem to have a great time…i’m 20,i THINK i’m leading a somewhat similar life…..my first time here,will be back…
dun worry…… you will have many more wonder years ahead.Just keep watching.They’re out there… I’m sure, lady !
Lovely post …. just like the TV series 🙂 !!
Evokes a lot of similar fond memories.
Many things sound so familiar . No wonder these years are called as Wonder Years.
Btw I have been a regular reader for quite some time now. You have a nice blog 🙂
the things u did were probably better than having sex with a whole bunch of people…and every year can be a wonder year if u have no regrets…be true to urself…
shhessh!! most important conclusion.. outta this whole post….
“ur one of my species…!!” and i was here thinking ur a guy!!
the years have been catching up and patience has been leaking away.
It was after a long time that something actually held my attention to completion.
Well and truly moving
Keep up the good work.
May the force be with you.
You do fascinate me.
Wow! I did none of the things you listed, nor did I have a wild sex life! And I have this bothersome thing on my forehead.. looks kinda like a large “L”.
Isnt it all about the things we have done that makes our lives worth thinking about and the things we never did makes our lives dreaming about… haha just a thought…
Urs truly reflects the days back in college..reminded me of mine…things we could have done and things we could have changed if given another chance…
But as the saying goes .. what is life without its experiences…..
cheers and a very happy diwali ..
lovely :-)! Beautiful years indeed! Got me thinking what the hell I was doing ;).
Will write about it some day. But right now, i aint nostalgic.
“What was I doing at that time?”
Leaving talking and watching sunrise…I think I almost did the same thing while rest of ma friends were chilling out under the sun 😉
Somehow I just wasn’t tempted to, at that time. I probably seemed very boring and precocious to my peers then.
I still dont do it…
I dont think I’ll eva be tempted for smoke or drink…
No more regrets.
I dont regret it either…
I had a nice time…so there is no point in regretting right
I like the way this post was written…most of it matches with ma life style..
Happy diwali to you!!
Your profile pic reminded me of one more blogger friend of mine, Phoenix.
And I saw one post in ur RECENT POST section named Tattoo story..
do read out this post, you’ll enjoy reading it
Tattoo – A love story
Tattooo Gals 🙂
sounds to me like uve had lots of great experiences!
great post..as usual
wish u a very Happy and safe Diwali
How did you like George Orwell’s 1984?
@Rambler: Disturbing. Brilliant. Scary. So of course, good.