life lines

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  1. It is a rather detailed story, and the plot could have gone either way. I feel that you’re unsatisfied with this. It does seem not to resolve. I do feel a little more for Shruti than I did for Ms Busom (or whoever from the previous story). But perhaps not enough. And what happens to her? She runs away? Arrey? Is she safe? Is this another I read it in a newspaper, but my nerves are dead, so i don’t care story. It’s a very long story for nothing to happen.

    You must read Gaiman for endings. Now that man knows how to end a story. He can even make a hanging plot seem like a satisfying ending. How neatly he ties things up, he leaves you with the impression that there are no loose ends, and every impetuous move was carefully planned.

    1. @Ronaan Roy: I think the trouble was that it started off being a story about the not-quite Mrs.Buswala but ended up being about the narrator and the emotional roller-coaster he goes on through the day. I’ll be more efficient about this the next time.

  2. Linear tale. BUt told with so many lovely nuances, that it tugs at all manner of heartstrings.
    Three comments on society, disparate but true. And nicely tied up in the lyric.
    A few niggling typos here and there, nothing I couldn’t heartlessly ignore. Good stuff.

    1. @febinmathew: The lyric was actually a prompt for a writing exercise from which this story developed. I wanted to try a ‘fly-on-wall’ style so I’m glad it came through okay. Sorry about the typos. Doing a story a day leaves little time between writing, editing & reading to catch those errors.

  3. This is wonderful. The strength of a story is that it doesn’t take side and narrates, subtly nudging the reader to decide his position vis a vis the narrative. This is brilliant in this regard. Loved it

    1. @Saket71: I’m told by someone else who read it, that this neutral stance may work against it. That you liked it, tells me that different approaches work for different readers. So, thank you.