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  1. This has a nice little plot, which I have to admit to having skim read the first time I read it. The ‘explanations’ are a bit clunky, and you could have done the dialogue smoother. But the rationale is solid, and the plot is in the right direction. He ‘conversion’ could have been less contrived. Linked perhaps with her breaking goods. Or perhaps something particularly poetic that the boy said. Philosophy should be better hidden within the folds of dialogue, and shouldn’t smell through so directly. But that’s just an opinion.

    1. @Ronaan Roy: Accepted in full. I wasn’t very happy with the dialogue or even character creation myself. This came from a prompt so I focussed on plot instead of the above two, which are generally better for me.

  2. i liked the story ..well enough….shayla comes across as shallow as compared to deerun…which is a pity…i presume that shayla has placed the charm at a location where dheerun could see it once he enters her house…? there is a strong romantic feel that hits u late…nice work

    1. @ravishankar: Shayla may not be shallow. But she is a minor character in the story, turning up only to showcase Deerun. There are layers in her beliefs and Deerun realizes that she needs to believe in something without being reminded of it. And yes, the whiff of romance was intentional. Glad you liked it!

  3. Very lovely story, the dialogue was very evocative, and the whole idea of storyteller in several media as auteur is very convincing. Plus, sucker for that tinge of romance.
    I’m not usually a big fan of long discourses, but I think this one works well enough.