Bollywood Blogging

I started typing a reply in the comments section of a post and then realised it may as well be a post. So picking up Gaurav’s meme, I’ll add the Bollywood touch. Some filmi characters whose blogs I’d like to have seen:

1. Sambha (as of “Arre o Sambha, kitne aadmi they?”). Sidekicks are probably geeks and by common self-admission, so are bloggers.

2. Ramu kaka (he of the red towel and faded white dhoti fame, hovering quietly in the background just in time to produce kunwari beti who results in all his woes). Bloggers are also incessant cribbers…what if the middle son of the sahebji chanced on the blog, recognized his evil papa and scheming momma characterised in Kaka’s corner, linked and commented with full sympathy (bearing in mind that he wasn’t destined to take over the reins of his empire nor sow his wild oats like the youngest brat) and one day discovered that kaka was his real father…..oops, we’ll leave it at that. This is for PG-rated ‘phemely audiences’ after all.

3. Seeta and Geeta: Now these two ladies would be bloggers like yours truly, that is to say, be almost the exact opposite on the blogsphere from their real world personas. Hence we’d have the demure maiden connecting up on her rich cousin’s laptop and blogging about tech trends, stock market indices and all kinds of other undecipherable (and important sounding) rubbish. Geeta, on the other hand, a far cry from her brazen street performer self, would be writing deep, mournful poetry about her fantasized older-woman yearning for Raka’s kid guru. Both of them would get clubbed together by the blog-bookies in some vile chick-blogging-sweepstake. Seeta, true to her dignified self would make no comments but would discreetly check the other bloggers in her team..and voila, a weeper who actually sounded rebellious sometimes (Sitar music). Geeta would probably write acid-dripping mails and posts about the sweepstake, have a torrid online comments-and-posts affair with the bookie, break it up when she discovered the other women bloggers and then one day chance upon the blog of a lady who sounded like she knew how to kill the bookie as painfully and as bloodlessly as possible (Bass guitar). “Seeta, meri behen….Geeta, meri behen…” Did I mention how they finally meet? Geeta’s profile pic had an open heart-shaped locket with no photographs in it (to signify the empty, yearning heart). Seeta being the older one, remembers with startling clarity her mother giving her the ratty chain and the lovely locket to the younger brat before she dies…”Some day you two shall join”. Back to the scene….Oh, my dear sister!

4. Anarkali: In my useless opinion, she must have been the Indian historical equivalent of Tricia Macmillan a.k.a. Trillian of The Hitch-hikers’ Guide to the Galaxy. Very nice to look at indeed and sharp as sharp can be….smart enough to not let the powerful men around know it. Anarkali definitely had steelier nerves than her lover or his papa. I imagine she’d have been the grand-mommy of all chick-bloggers. Maybe she’d have an anonymous blog posing as a male, hit on papa king to worry him enough to distract him from his son’s meanderings. And then how the story might have turned out…

5. Shankar, Vijay and Ratan: Don’t know who these are? Virtual nobodies actually. Or rather real-life nobodies but stalwarts on the blogsphere. Shankar wrote a hobby-blog on trains (and a secret anonymous one on his shoe fetish). Ratan set up the website for his band, posting their tours, their original songs and one day began pod-casting his solo works. Vijay was an aspiring male chick-blogger and wrote about his ever-interesting love life. None of them linked to each other. Then one day all three of them turned up at a blog meet (The first annual Rampur bloggers’ meet). Shankar sat at one end and khush-pussed with another boring looking tech-blogger. Ratan was enthralled by Vijay’s stories and flattered when Ratan asked him for a live performance. So Ratan, the musical one strode up to the stage, picked up the mike and crooned….Yaadon ki baarat nikli hai aaj dil ke dwaare.

And now, presenting for the first time on the Idea-smithy…..a meme! Granted this is a variation on Gaurav’s idea but what well…imitation is the sincerest form of we-all-know-what. So, here it is:

Which Bollywood characters should have had blogs and what do you think they’d have been like?

I won’t be a snob this time and tag anyone in particular. Just pick it up if you read this post and write about it. Have fun!