The Feels This Week: A Curated Life Is A Considered One
After being on a writing (and feeling) hiatus of months, I feel awash in words and sentiment now. It is a time for processing, which for me, means looking back at the past with a discering and curatorial eye. What’s wrong with curated? In its true meaning, it signifies a conscious discernment and special attention being paid to the depths of certain moments and things. It has nothing to do with inauthenticity.
May has been the month of my return to writing, which began with a wonderful book. In reminding me of letters, it also made it possible for me to reconnect with the world, and thus, with parts of me that are needed in order to do this.
Trust, for starters. It takes great trust to open a conversation with a person. In some ways, it’s actually easier with a stranger, when you live the urban, online life that I do. It’s a great deal more complex to re-open conversations and not usually because they ended due to something unpleasant. Overcoming ennui and mutual indifference is the hardest thing to do because the first person to reach out does this all on their own.
And then there is patience. I chose email for a reason. It has the benefits of online correspondence (speed, archival, cross-linkages) without the artifice of messaging and social media. It means I have to remind myself and the other person that it is normal to pause, consider and thoughtfully curate response. I spiralled a few times and it wasn’t because of something as trivial as being impatient as a person. The Correspondent’s Sybil promised that most people usually write back.
But I knew someone who did not and was happy to let me think they just needed time but would welcome my one-way efforts. It was years before this person admitted that they held malice against me and why? Because they resented that I lived in the same place as a common friend who had died. This person did not know how to process their grief from a distance and so dumped their negativity on me, a bystander. I am now able to say that this is not an excuse and I am not required to forgive them for it. The difficult thing is how to forgive the world for having this person in it, when it means another person could be like them too?
So there is the lesson of hope. And I have to go back to my archives to remember how I struggled out of the dystopia of the pandemic. Here’s thinking of the brief, intense friendships I formed, that helped me through that time.
“Hope isn’t a warrior with blazing eyes
& defiant pride in his spine
Not a lawyer with ironclad promises
& perfect contracts in hand
It isn’t a healer
with gentle hands & a flowing gown
Not a nurse
Tending to pain with reassurance
Hope is what follows them
a child in tatters
halting, hand in mouth,
stumbling, stopping to pick up a blade of grass
Hope is what notices that
between the bloodied stones,
a flower grows”
Calling all this up needed curation. I have never been gladder of having been a writer. 22 years of blogging have given me a map to parts of myself that once existed and so maybe they can be revived. Which brings me to the title of this post.
One of my pen friendships (yes, I can call them that now and there are multiple; how lucky I am!) wanted to know more about the podcasts that I listen to about books. I had mentioned that my good experiences of some books had been enhanced by listening to their authors talk about them. I do not enjoy audiobooks but I have begun enjoying podcasts. Some podcasts. Curation required, always. This is the list I compiled for my pal and I think they will not mind if I share it with the world. Creating it brought me much joy, like reopening old books and running my fingers over faded inscriptions. Reproducing the mail as closely as I can, to keep it authentic through the curation:
~O~O~O~O~O~O~
Dear <penpal>,
You had asked about the book/author podcasts that I listen to. Here is a list of some episodes that I really enjoyed:
1. Abraham Verghese about ’The Covenant of Water’ with Oprah Winfrey: This is episode 1 of a 6-part series and I listened to them all, when I was reading the book. I felt like it added greatly to my enjoyment of the book, to understand the author’s past as an infectious diseases specialist and a South Indian Christian.
2. Virginia Evans on ’The Correspondent’ with Totally Booked with Zibby: I liked this book a lot but I remember you weren’t as impressed by it. This is one of the podcasts about this book that made me realise that I wanted to read more epistolary fiction at that time and I read ’84, Charing Cross Road’ next.
3. Mikki Brammer on ’The Collected Regrets of Clover’with Words and Nerds: I read this book last year and it soothed me at a very difficult time. It is about a death doula in NY who works with people who are dying, helping them with administrative tasks such as creating a will but also easing their passage and helping them overcome their regrets. I found it to be a very gentle and honest look at the experience of dying and grief. I listened to this episode earlier this week and it brought me the same kind of soothing, to hear the author talk about why she chose this topic and how she tried to make it easier for a reader. (also, my own post about this book)
I wasn’t able to find a Spotify link to this episode, so please click on the link to listen to it on Podbay.
Also, I’ve written about my love of Gone Girl too: Girls Who May One Day Be Gone.
4. NPR’s Book of the Day: Revisiting ‘Gone Girl‘: This is one of my favorite books (which you can imagine is not an easy race to win). I think it was an important milestone in feminist thought and marked an especially vital transition point for my life. I listened to this episode too earlier this week and it was interesting to look back and see whether the book still holds up on that front.
5. Shrayana Bhattacharya of ‘Desperately Seeking Shah Rukh‘ on The Seen and the Unseen about ’The Loneliness of the Indian Woman’: I really respect how Amit Varma chooses themes, guests and how he directs conversations. I had seen this book around and had given it a pass because I assumed it would be Bollywood fan fare. I listened to this episode because I was curious about why Amit Varma would find it interesting and it led me into reading this book. Despite the misleading name, this book is actually a serious work of nonfiction which addresses the gender wage gap in India, how we define labour, the intersections of religion, class and gender when it comes to earning. The author is an economist who has worked in this area for the government of India.
Also, read my own post about this book: Reluctantly Seeking Shahrukh Fans
6. Devdutt Pattanaik on The Seen and the Unseen about ’The Stories that Shape Us’: I won’t introduce Pattanaik to you as I’m sure you know his work. This two part episode series made me realise that he’s a pretty great speaker as well as writer. I do not necessarily agree with some of his ideas but it is a pleasure to hear him speak about faith, economics, sexuality and cities.
I will bring this post, as I have been doing my letters, to a close by saying that I hope going through this brings you as much joy as it brought me in creating (curating) it.
Which for me means, looking back at the past with a discerning and curatorial eye
I had been thinking about this a lot, both Steve Jobs and CS Lewis and even Kierkegaard wrote about it, Steve said, you could only connect the dots looking back, CS Lewis said, the future is never blank, it has too many plans, stories, incidents, tales and even tragedies than you ever realise, Kierkegaard said, life makes sense if we look backward, but it has to be lived forward.
Depths of certain moments and things
It is very weird right how our heart works like an editing software, it carefully chooses what should be retained and remembered and mused upon, that is why certain moments are deep for us, because of what they mean to us, to our heart
Trust and Patience and Hope
I had been as well quietly thinking what these 3 words mean to me, especially when life is uncertain and everything around you is changing, from 2016 to 2026 a decade had passed away for me, but I already feel life’s heavy with experiences, and thick with transitions, the transitions I cannot stop and have no say in.
PS: Hope you are doing well!