Will the real IdeaSmith please stand up?

I’ve been breaking resolutions and rules and not feeling bad about them
I’ve been breaking resolutions and rules and not feeling GOOD about them

I’ve been the one doing the dumping the past few times
I’ve been checking if my shoelaces were tied more often than the state of my hair

I’ve been getting introduced to people as ‘Idea’ and ‘smithy’ recently
I’ve been getting into arguments and monologues and stopping abruptly
Because they’re both the same and both equally boring

I’ve been skipping birthdays, weddings and anniversaries like crazy
And shopping ruthlessly
But my credit card bill is back to my stingy-three-years-ago self
And the invitations are still flooding my mailbox

I’ve been sizing up men I meet. And women.
And stopping only because there’s nothing new to see

I’ve been saying all kinds of random things
Behaving as erratically as I can get away with
And in fact, not too…but I’ve always been getting away with it

I’ve been mean to those I like
Pushed away those I love
Shut out those who are really important

And I’ve welcomed with open arms all the riff-raff
And hugged those who stick needles into me
And continued…in the hope that I bleed and feel…a little

I’m…not exactly restless….that would mean I had some energy to get out and do something different. I just feel sedated.

Everyone who read this and asked how I was….thank you very much. I’m fine, I’m alright, I’m just not myself these days. I’m on a trip somewhere outside the place I find my body in. But I’ll come back, I always do. After all, strange as this planet may be, it still is the only place I can call home. For now.