Aspirational Manhood

When a good friend recently told me that he was gay, it did not come as a surprise. Indeed I concluded that my prayers had been answered in the form of someone who was already quite close to me. But even more, it was a moving moment since he chose to face the truth for the first time and it was in my presence. It takes courage to do that and I guess you’d think of a dear friend to hold your hand at that moment. Acknowledging that one is gay seems to be an excruciating test of manhood (even though sexuality & gender are different things). I applaud my buddy and celebrate the fact that he finally breathes easily.

J.K.Rowling now reveals that one of the best-loved characters of the cult she created for this generation, is gay. Hmm. Now that’s fiction and the former, reality.

I also watched American Beauty last week. A movie that like a good book allows you to reflect on each character, situation and conversation ad infinitum and draw your own pearls of wisdom differently each time. And I wondered…why is it such an earth-shattering crime to be gay.

I get some clues in the book I’m reading that remind me that,

Women come from a woman and carry on as an extension of the same person. No one tells a little girl to “Be a woman”. Men, on the other hand, have to learn to be men.

(not quoted verbatim but as I remember it)

We, on the other hand, are just born into femalehood automatically. The book is sub-titled ‘The triumph of love over rage”. I sympathise..much.

The most common argument I’ve heard against masculine homosexuality is that it is ‘disgusting’. Dig a little deeper and I get an explanation of how same-sex unions can never result in progeny and hence are useless to evolution. My strongly masculine friends elaborate on how wonderful the female body is and express their utter revulsion of anyone who can enjoy the male body.

Of note, I don’t hear similarly vehement declarations from women about female homosexuality. And well, I’ve yet to come across a man with a bone to pick about lesbianism.

So, in the minds of most men, to not like a woman is the ultimate fall from masculinity. What an odd thought. The stronger sex defines itself by its relationship to the weaker sex…and not the other way round.

And finally, another male friend once told me that

Being a man is a highly over-rated job.

I conclude that…perhaps…he was right. Except I’d not call it a job as much as a sentence to a lifetime of judgement by others and yourself.