10 things a man ought to know but doesn’t…and counting

Men are seriously amusing. So brilliant in some areas and in some other areas, unbelievably….shall I say the word? I mean, I’ve been writing this blog for a long time now. It’s almost as popular as my ‘main blog’ (with none of the effort I put in there) and my readership is predominantly male. I’ve been argued with, slammed, confronted, wooed and even dated by some of the guys who’ve read this blog. And yet after all that, they assume I’m a man-hating feminist. It takes just one smart woman to observe that (and I really like this):

This isn’t a blog written by a man-hating woman. It is written by a woman who loves men….very much. And she has strong ideas and expresses them.

Thank you Melody….whoever said a woman was worth a thousand men must have been thinking of you.

Coming back to the real thought behind this post, I’ve had the most amusing conversation in recent times. I have this little quiz of my own that I run on some men. It is supposed to test how much men really know about women. No, it isn’t one of those high-fundoo psycho-babble things…these are questions based on everyday factual stuff and paraphernalia that surround a woman (and that any man who’s had a girlfriend, sister or spouse would have had a chance to learn about at least).

Needless to say I get mostly wrong answers. Some of them are plain howl-arious! This is an interview with a highly pedigreed, supposedly super-intelligent male friend who claims to have had an indecently high number of girlfriends. Read on to see how Mr.Smart did….

1. How is bra size measured and what does it mean?

34, 36 A B C D…something!

He had no clue what they meant though. To be fair, this is something a lot of women can’t answer, either. But you would think that with most men’s obsession with that part of the anatomy concerned with this garment…oh well.

2. Name three types of heels used in women’s footwear.

Stilts. And still-toes. Flats. Platforms. These are the thick, flat things.

After I’d gotten over laughing over the still-toes thing, I informed him that flats were a lack of heels and hence technically not a heel type at all. He pouted a bit but I appeased him by promising him a 1/3rd mark for the platforms answer.

Considering most men think that heels make a women’s legs look sexier, I really think they should take some time understanding the different heel-types. Besides being able to empathise with aching calves, itchy undersoles and the like, they’ll have a better defense against a heel that might land on their faces if they understand it well.

3. What do ‘apple’ and ‘pear’ mean with regard to a woman’s appearance?

Pears mean the bust. Apples are for apple-cheeks.

I died laughing. But I came back to tell him what the right answer was.

4. What is liposuction?

This is the one answer Mr.Smart got right. In fact he was even able to tell me about botox, its chemical properties and its effect on skin. Not more than what I would have expected considering his background in chemistry but well, let me pat him on the back for the first completely right answer.

5. What is Prozac?

Something like mosaic (pronounced ‘muzak’). A collection of pictures?

Am I correct in saying men are the prime reason Prozac is in existance? Of course I am. I’m always right.

6. What’s mascara used for?

It’s something you put all over your face (accompanied by face-rubbing action). No wait, that’s rouge (ain’t that quaint? My first-standard teacher used to say that). Mascara…is it eye-liner? (firm shake of the head from me). Umm….it’s that eye-polisher….no, eye-lid polisher (with huge waving gestures from eyes out into space)

What say ladies? Shall I give him this one?

7. What are garters?

Absolutely no clue. I shudder to think of the ideas that might have run through his head in relation to this one. Khee khee khee…if only he knew! Incidentally how many women know the right answer to this one?

8. What’s a halter-neck?

That stuff that came off Carol Gracias on the ramp and showed off her fantastic “….” to the world.

This one he got right. And he was man enough to admit that the only way he knew about it was because he’d read about Carol’s wardrobe malfunction.

9. Do you know what bangs are?

A sports-bra!

I was more amused by the fact that he knew of sports-bras even if in the totally wrong context. He had no idea of course and stayed dumb-founded as I prompted “I have them! Lots of people have seen them!”

That made him stare at me goggle-eyed so I hastened to clarify (as I will here for the sake of you perverts out there…). Bangs are the locks of hair that fall onto a woman’s forehead. Fringes, stray curls or even a few strands of hair coming loose from the hairstyle and hanging above the eye-brows…constitute bangs.

10. What are areola?

The blue sky over the arctic circle.

To be quite sure, I didn’t phrase the question correctly and when he asked for the spelling I mispelt it as well. Let’s take this one off until I learn to word it better. But I’m amazed he had an answer. Hmm…men usually have an answer, it just isn’t the right one.

I was right after all. By my count, Mr.Smart scored a 3-and-1/3rd. Hmph.

This list, by the way, is something I’ve been thinking up at the spur of the moment and adding to, with each quiz. I’ve finally reached 10 questions. Ladies, if you think up any more things that a man who’s been around women should know, drop me a note here. Men, well….what do you have to say for yourselves?