Sometimes we are on the same train. I have a ‘subject-to-last-minute-change’ schedule. Maybe so does she. Is she a student? Or a working professional?

She dresses like a teenager would, if she had the acquired sense of style that someone at least a decade older would have. Her face is cold, impassive, seemingly indifferent to the world around her. Or perhaps, she’s just sleepy. And yet, her eyes are never ringed with dark circles.

She holds herself with the confidence of a woman in her late twenties at least. But her head is thrown back, like that of a very young child-girl. A mixture of pride…

Look how pretty I am!

and wonder

Oh, what a wonderful world!

And yet, her eyes stay lifeless. She holds my attention every time I see her.

She reminds me of a fresh peach. Clean, wholesome and full. A ripe peach is a delight for all the senses…the eyes, the nose, the skin and the tongue. The slight downy hair on her arms tells me that she’s either very young and uninitiated into the horrors of waxing or so cool that she doesn’t give a damn. Somehow she doesn’t seem to be intelligent or fire-blooded enough to be the latter and yet she doesn’t look quite that young either. Either way, it suits her. It makes her look a little less waxen and brings to her body the kind of vigorous life that I don’t see in her eyes.

I wonder idly at why I’m staring at another woman. Is she that beautiful? No, she isn’t. Striking would probably describe her better. She’s quite tall, taller than I am, which might be why I noticed her. But no, the first time I saw her, she was sitting on the edge of the three-seater, eyes downcast, her sharp bangs falling into the middle of her forehead, which she flicked back with a disconcerted toss.

Her lips might have been full if her mouth hadn’t been. Oh, how funny that sounds! What I mean is that she even has the look of a ripe peach, that looks like it will burst out of its skin any moment if you don’t take a bite.

She has a strong, well-proportioned body that might have been called androgynous if she didn’t have those curves. It adds to her mystique. She has a woman’s body, perfectly rounded, but she carries it like a man would, not weighed down by the fleshy curves like some women are.

I wonder sometimes what she sounds like, what she does all day, what her life must be like. But I realise I’m just following my compulsion to see people as human beings and not just bodies. In her case, I don’t care. She’s perfect and complete in my eyes and that is all she needs to be, to me. I don’t have any desire to know anything more of her than what I see. The perfect peach that shouldn’t turn into a human being with messy feelings and imperfect actions. I’m even glad that I get off the train before she does. That way I don’t even have room to speculate on what she does for a living.

I briefly speculate on whether these are my semi-lesbian fantasies. Its possible. I usually display this degree of interest in men I’m attracted to. Sometimes I do think of them in terms of food. But where the men have been strong, finely created flavours…..chocolate, wine, coffee, tequila….this is the first time I’ve thought of someone as a fruit. On retrospect, a woman wouldn’t feel like anything that’s been processed or cooked. She would have to be something basic, something right out of the earth…a fruit is all.

And perhaps the fact that I don’t stongly associate my identity with my gender makes it possible for me to fit just as easily into a man’s tastes. When I told Sensorcaine about this, she said, “Well, not lesbian, bisexual perhaps. Just think, instead of 3 billion, you have a choice of 6 billion human beings now!”

That’s a thought now. But beyond my intellectualisation I find if I get to thinking of making love to a woman, the idea loses its appeal altogether. I’m content with admiring my peach-woman.

27 thoughts on “Peach”
  1. Who says women cant gaze at women? I do, on buses , on the subway, on the street, furitively and unabashedly.

    Sometimes, I am struck by the way she holds her head, sometimes by her walk, strong, bold , purposeful strides. Sometimes, it might be just the way she laughs and the way her teeth show glinting! But mostly what often grabs my attention will be the hair. Sometimes she will look right back and give me a smile, an acknowledgement.

    Its perhaps not the same when a man looks at a woman, because there is no element of lust, sexual tension maybe.

    Its possibly an art of appreciation.

  2. @ Ratz: That’s a thought. Then again, do you suppose there is something faintly lustful about true appreciation? There is some semblance of it in people who crave some kind of food…lust, that is. And I’ve felt like I’m fairly overcome by lust when I see some particular masterpiece of art. Hmm…

    @ One woman: Maybe I just will! πŸ™‚

  3. @ ideasmithy: the thought “I wish i could be in that body” did cross my mind sometime…hahaha! But not in the sense that a guy would be thinking the same thing. So yes, to a certain kind of lustful. And I completely agree with “one woman to other woman ” there…

  4. Wow, I so agree with this post! My friends always tease me that I check out other women, and although I never want to be with them, I guess, I agree on the line, ‘I wish I could be in that body’, I wonder how it is to be her!

    Beautiful, beautiful post!!

  5. The men need not comment. We appreciate the female form in its entirety and acknowledge the fact that its perfectly natural for two women to appreciate each other.

    However, I must say that i find it absolutely strange that if a man says the exact same thing that ideasmithy has said, he’s called a pervert! Its truly an unequal world …..:)

  6. I do admire a lot of women too. I don’t know if that means anything. Or maybe I should change my orkut profile back to bi-curious πŸ™‚
    Women definitely are softer than men, maybe more comforting.

    Traveling in trains is the most relaxing activity for me. I can sit back and look at how different people behave. This whole world, relationships, everything – its just powerplay. And I love watching it unroll. It feels like watching a good movie.

  7. […] I was a trifle disappointed that this post (lying in my subconscious for over a year and in my drafts box for a few days) got so few comments. Mostly from women….and what they said was surprising. There was one man and what he said was surprising too. […]

  8. i know men like to claim that women only bitch abt other women. but the truth is that i admire women to, and im not as critical as a number of men i know. i thot a lot of it had to do with studying in a college ful of women and all of them smart, intelligent ones who carried themselves and their clothes with elan. you cudn’t help but admire πŸ˜€

  9. I look at women all the time. More than I look at men perhaps. Her hair, how she walks,the glow of her skin, her clothes. Its appreciation, its admiration. I’ve never thought of it as having any overtly lesbian tones. I mean I would look at the female body anyday over the male body. You know what I mean ?

  10. @ Selma: ‘Bi-curious’ is a good word…except it’ll get you some very strange requests for friendship on orkut. πŸ™‚

    @ N: I think men are generally more judgmental…only because most things are unidimensional in their mindsets. On the other hand, I’m quite binary myself.

    @ DC: I so do know…! πŸ˜‰

  11. when I’m on the train and i see someone interesting enough, my first coherent thought is whether she too blogs or not.. I guess Im blog-addicted.. I think every woman has the basic curiosity for other women. Most people who have blogged here have admitted to it, and so do I. If the rest deny it, then I think that’s what it is. Basic denial coz they fear societal taboos and stereotypes…

  12. i also have this vague theory abt how all women are inherent bi-sexual, but in varying degrees :D, ha. basically, women don’t have a fear of other women’s bodies, the way men do of their own kind. mebbe i shud put it on the blog, would fetch me a lot of traffic. πŸ˜‰

  13. hmm I personally would think it boils down to how comfortable you are with your own body and sexuality, before admiring another one of your own sex. I know I’ve openly admired chiselled men with rippling muscles, the works..and said “DAMN that guy is hot” without feelin the least bit gay πŸ™‚ physical beauty in any form should be appreciated…if someone wants to form that appreciation as lust, so be it πŸ˜‰ that said, if a GUY had written the same post, he woulda been classified as definitely havin non platonic feelings for the woman yes?:)

  14. @ Pragni: I would guess so. I’m pleasantly surprised by the response that this post got from women!

    @ n: I would think that it holds true for all human beings, irrespective of gender. But yes, men seem to get more jittery about the grey shades of their sexuality! Hmm….write a post, controversy always stirs up publicity! πŸ˜‰

  15. […] Fresh fruit….watermelon is our preference. (But having just drunk two very insipid glasses of off-season watermelon juice, we is inclined to change that to ‘whatever is in season’) No exotic stuff like kiwis for us plizzz….give us oranges, sweetlimes, an occasional mango, plums and peaches. (Ah…we lurrves peaches but that’s another story altogether!) […]

  16. Trust me (and I am a woman, so you can indeed trust me even AFTER I’ve said that) β€” being attracted to certain people (irrespective of gender) comes naturally to most people. But our minds instinctively shut out the idea of a sexual encounter, due to societal conditioning and the β€œidea” of the way things ought to be. And yes, trust me, do try going beyond the passive admiration. But then again, it should not seem like you have to β€œtry” to do so. One doesn’t have to look at it as replacement therapy and β€œturn” lesbian, bisexual or bi-curious, or what have you, for that.
    Direct this may be, but hey, just living up to my name. πŸ™‚

  17. I admire womens’ bodies to the extent that I get teased about being gay. But I have no desire to get physical w/ them. Most ppl(men) just dont get it. I wonder why?

  18. @ Mirror: I considered it but I found I just wasn’t interested in women beyond looking at them. And yes, we encourage direct communication at XXFactor (OTT is even better!) πŸ˜€

    @ La Vida Loca: That’s an insult to both straight and gay women. Sexuality is a personal choice and there’s really no need to straitjacket a person based on what they admire. But I guess men also tend to have a little more trouble accepting homosexuality than women do.

  19. […] two of my old posts together. It was an interesting exercise, personally than for my writing since one of the posts was written 15 years ago. I remember feeling that much, that purity of emotion before it was overlaid by gender norms, […]

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