Map Of Emotion

Navigating complex emotions of jealousy, ambition, insecurity, joy, fear, peace, anger, happiness, betrayal, contentment, disappointment, love.

The Compassion Chemical
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The Compassion Chemical

I have been thinking about compassion. I find there’s no room for it in the stories we embrace to guide our lives. It is this that makes me feel I’m overflowing out of my body, spaces & life. What I have in me is labelled & pre-valued for tangible effects….

Smiling At Sad

Smiling At Sad

We never really look at sadness. We turn away, with distractions. We attack it with rageful logic. We even edit its existence in facial expressions. SMILE! And yet, how can an emotion be small enough to fit a compartment of time, words or body? I feel like I’m too big…

A Door Called Discomfort
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A Door Called Discomfort

Some days are recuperation. Some days are comfort. And some days are sitting with discomfort because that’s the name on the door behind which we stuff pain. Maybe it’s because I am facing head-on, things that trigger me and trying to learn new responses in doing so. Maybe it’s another…

The Unloving Wanting
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The Unloving Wanting

I wonder if we fall a little too much in love with stories, especially ones we write ourselves. It’s a fallacy to call this love because this is an uncontrollable, desperate, choking stranglehold that is not loving, nurturing or caring. Love is not blind; it makes our vision clearer, if…

What Does Loneliness Mean To You?
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What Does Loneliness Mean To You?

It occurred to me when I followed a trail down Saurabh Garg‘s Instagram Stories. He writes of the isolation of chasing material dreams. His friend who saw the same view spoke of a wineglass on a window sill. Me? I saw exquisite poetry laced with slivers of pain. Loneliness. To…

What About Regret?
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What About Regret?

@agentsofishq’s ‘An Evening of No Regrets’ gave me pause. Do I truly have no regrets?For most of my teen years & adult life, I’ve tried to live a life free of regret. Early on, this meant being cautious about navigating gender pressures & unrealistic expectations. The thing about growing up…

Colonising Love

Colonising Love

“You can give yourself a city if you love the whole world.” – ‘The High Priestess Never Marries’ by @sharanya_manivannan. Is that what Kannagi did? Do we love people or are we just uncontrollably drawn to colonise their minds, their bodies, their lives? Do I love? Do I love the…

In Memorium
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In Memorium

She opens her eyes always into a world of order, just thrown off by the sound of clanging cutlery or a shout from the road outside. Even the disruptions are familiar. She stretches, pushes away her blanket with the kind of precision she knows will lend itself to easy folding,…

SOARING SOLO
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SOARING SOLO

Life feels easier when you realise they don’t understand you. Can’t, won’t try & probably never will. But that is okay because when there’s no one around to live your life for you, is when you start to breathe. And you realise you don’t need anyone to understand you. It…

I Don’t Belong Here
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I Don’t Belong Here

These carefree whistlersgirls throwing hearts & bodies outto men who will let them falland men who will pick them uponly to throw them backI have been thrown away,thrown over, thrown backI don’t belong here The screaming thundersdripping rage & accusationsto fertile minds that will turn theminto gangrene & cancerThe storms…

Gehraiyaan: A Good Galentine’s Day Release & An Okay Solo Date Watch
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Gehraiyaan: A Good Galentine’s Day Release & An Okay Solo Date Watch

Spoiler alert: This post talks about the film Gehraiyaan & references several key plot points. If you haven’t seen the film & plan to, please do not read further. Trigger warnings: Childhood neglect, self-harm, abuse, infidelity. ~O~O~O~O~O~O~ Yes, I said that. I know today is Valentine’s Day & this film…

Talking About Love With You
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Talking About Love With You

You tell me this is what it means to loveYou say that is love, this is lovingYou point me to poetryas a dictionary for the love languageAnd therapy terminologyto dissect this feeling These my friend,are conversations about love,Not love itself(And note, that I call you ‘friend’,not ‘my love’)Because I’ve read…

Last Mile Hope
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Last Mile Hope

The most uncomfortable thing about the pandemic has been living with Fearful Me. I never liked fear. I can’t even enjoy rollercoasters, speed or horror stories as entertainment. I’ve evaded fear with plans, efficiency, aggression. Because fear paralyses me, I’ve been scared of stopping & never being able to start…

Following The Star
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Following The Star

This was my Christmas 2021 post. ~O~O~O~O~O~O~ I always liked Christmas. It had to do with growing up in a Hindu family in a Christian village. Religion was up, close & intrusive as it is in India. But Christianity began with school prayers & ended with cake & Santa Claus…

I See Hope Silently
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I See Hope Silently

Let the waves comeLet the winds blowLet me be soaked, burnt, frozenTrampled by every manner of foe Let the shouts riseLet the voices echoLet there be slogans, insults, criesAnd words that land like blows I will melt, I will breakI will drown, I will searI will bear every wound &…

Hope Grows In My Garden 🌱
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Hope Grows In My Garden 🌱

I’ve been a plant parent for 12 years. I started with a sprig of ajwain stuck in a pot & it grew & grew. Some of you adopted its babies in little pots & they grow with proud fortitude in your homes. Over the years, I added herbs (kadi-patta, pudina,…

Better Days
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Better Days

For some months now, Clubhouse has been my new social media toy. It has also been my solace, my refuge during the soul-shattering COVID-19 second wave. I’ve made friendships of a very different kind from any I’ve had before (even counting the pioneering days of chatrooms, blogs & Twitter). Hearing…

I Would Like To Leave This Way
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I Would Like To Leave This Way

𝘞𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘧𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 & 𝘢𝘭𝘴𝘰 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘦. Smiling like I have a secret. Amused yet kind. I would like to leave in peace. 𝘖𝘤𝘤𝘶𝘱𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘐 𝘥𝘰 & 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘢𝘯𝘥, 𝘤𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘰𝘳 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘧𝘺. I would like to leave without worrying about what I leave behind….

I Don’t Want To Move On
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I Don’t Want To Move On

I’ve done it before. Many times, many ways. ‘Moving on’ contains an element of escapism. Do you know how I know? Because the next thing that gets said is, “What else will you do?” There is taking action in an extreme situation like abuse. But many of us ‘move on’…

An Impersonal Kind Of Ego
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An Impersonal Kind Of Ego

In college, I had a professor who used to say, “When the student is ready, the teacher arrives.” I think about that each time I have a serendipitous revelation from something mundane or trite. Pop culture is a big feature in these these. Would you expect to get life lessons…