The Indian Man: A Doll That Goes “Mama”

I come from a country that deifies a woman, the mother figure most of all. All prayers to goddesses, in every language, in different religions are sung in praise of Mother. Yes, it is probably a complex, near-magical bond, the relationship between a mother and son. More so than between a mother and daughter. I come from the land of the original mama’s boy – the Indian man.

After all, for the average woman in Indian society (still very much a man’s world), the son is the male who gives her the most respect and adulation. He is also the male who can be most easily moulded by her. A comment on one of my earlier blogs made me think about the relationship of a man with his mother too. She is his first female influence, the all-encompassing womb and the protective, nurturing arms. All said and done….we all enter the world in the same way.

Anywhere in the world, insinuate that a man is attached to his mother’s apron strings and he’ll take it as a personal insult. On the other hand, most Indian men will beam proudly like you’ve called them the greatest thing since chocolate. Yes, I don’t get it. I don’t want to get it. So fine, you like your mother, that’s cool….but for heaven’s sake it doesn’t make you a great human being, it doesn’t make you good company, it doesn’t make you attractive or likeable or intelligent or sensitive. And if you’re flaunting your attachment to the mater, chances are she’ll be the only one who finds anything worth loving in you.

Oh well, perhaps not…..Indian women are probably used to it. Every woman I know, married or otherwise affirms the fact that Indian men are indeed….mama’s boys. It is far from annoying….it is alarming. What makes an otherwise intelligent, smart, confident man so dependent on the woman who bore him? Yes, dependency it is. Do not mistake it for love. I love my parents too but I’d find it slightly disgraceful to keep touting myself as “daddy’s little girl”. Most of all, ‘daddy’ would have a fit over his daughter wanting to become a whining, snivelling airhead. I’m so glad I had a sensible upbringing.

Yes, I’m not about to blame the men for this one. The women are entirely at fault. I see it everywhere. What is paraded as great love is emasculation. I know a family where the son has been pampered and cossetted since birth by his doting mama (who has incidentally also brought up a girl who is more worldly-wise and mature at 20 than her brother is at 26).

As a result, this post-graduate professional travels the world and advises his company on important business matters but can’t be relied upon to run his own house or his marriage for that matter. Oh…did I forget…wifey dearest was also “whatever mama thinks is right”. But of course. Mama’s boys like to outsource their brains. Mama is proud of the fact that her darling beta, so important to the world, still pays so much attention to her. Why? Because the husband is too busy listening to his mama.

And the cycle continues…..

So it is a pity that most men are being brought up very badly. I would go so far as to say that they are being ruined by their mothers. Being a parent can’t be an easy job but most parents of daughters do manage to instil in them a sense of responsibility and the ability to handle life. For some reason the parents of sons, on the other hand, will pander to all their whims, make them feel like they are little lords and generally give them a wholly unrealistic view of the world.

Small wonder then, that most of these men grow up woefully unable to handle more than basic decisions by themselves. At some point in time the ‘little boy looking for mama’ syndrome is transferred onto the wife or girlfriend or whatever female is available. It is not nice at all. I for one, am not flattered or amused to have to play nursemaid/constant emotional prop to an overgrown baby. When I want to be a mama, I’ll have babies of my own.

There is something slightly unhealthy about an umbilical cord that hasn’t been severed over two decades…how I wish men would understand that.

When I was about four, I craved a doll that opened and shut its eyes and said “Mama”. Think I was being conditioned to produce more ‘mama’s boys’? I hope I don’t have sons…..the temptation to twist a brain to fulfil my selfish need is too much to resist. I’m an Indian woman after all.