The Waiting

I didn’t call it ‘The Wait’ because that implies a known finiteness, a visible end, a goal. How does one learn waiting when one has always lived from distraction to distraction? For what are goals but distractions from the fact that life is endless waiting while drifting? But notions of time and space (ergo speed) give us reference, something to cling to and to define ourselves by how fast we are moving, what we are moving towards and all this in relation to other people. Space got taken out of the equation. And we realise how easily the time boundaries got erased too.

We are so used to seeing difficult circumstances as problems to be solved, issues to be resolved, and abnormal conditions to be pruned & edited. But some situations are not helped by a problem-solving approach. Instead, the approach actually impedes us because we get frantic about looking for the error area, an action that is dangerously close to a blame game. We also focus our attention on the questions like “What doesn’t work? What is wrong?”. This is a crippling loss of perspective.

Perspective is the one thing that can help us face a situation that cannot be solved. It gives us the stability needed to proceed without distraction. It keeps our resources & reserves in mind and makes us prudent. I find it helpful to ask myself, “What if this is how it is and it doesn’t indicate anything about me? What if the only thing to be done is for me to get through this? What if the test is not my ability, intelligence or strength but my endurance?” The answer is – of course, this is not about me. I am not important enough to the cosmos, to my planet or even to my species for the pandemic to occur just so I learn a few lessons. It is a liberating thought. Self-importance sits heavy and right now, the spirit can use some unburdening. What if it is not about how great I can be, but simply if I can be?

This brings me perspective. It tells me I’m okay just as I am. It lets me only have to think about my breathing. It helps me wait.