Lesson
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Lesson

My friend Saurabh referenced the idea that when the student is ready, the teacher arrives. He said when the teacher is ready too, the student arrives. I think student, teacher, lesson, these are all part of something more complex and yes, when they intersect it feels dramatic because itโ€™s a…

A Year Of Lonely Love & Communal Grief
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A Year Of Lonely Love & Communal Grief

For JD It’s coming on an year since our last conversation. A week when we were negotiating our definitions of intimacy, proximity, boundaries & identity. Sadly, I don’t even have the records of that any more. My phone crashed abruptly, last month. This is the same phone that you helped…

Magical & Miraculous
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Magical & Miraculous

What does a miracle mean to you? A miracle is a point of wonder. Something that stops us in our tracks. You’re just going along with your life, walking the path ahead of you and all of a sudden, you look to your left and there’s a sheer cliff face…

The Compassion Chemical
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The Compassion Chemical

I have been thinking about compassion. I find there’s no room for it in the stories we embrace to guide our lives. It is this that makes me feel I’m overflowing out of my body, spaces & life. What I have in me is labelled & pre-valued for tangible effects….

Road To The Rainbow

Road To The Rainbow

๐—Ÿ๐—œ๐—š๐—›๐—ง๐—ก๐—œ๐—ก๐—šโšก It feels wrong to speak of rainbows. To write about them is like trying to put a net around the breeze, to attempt to scoop up sunlight in a bowl. I have seen but a handful of rainbows and even that feels incorrect to say since I’ve never grasped…

Smiling At Sad

Smiling At Sad

We never really look at sadness. We turn away, with distractions. We attack it with rageful logic. We even edit its existence in facial expressions. SMILE! And yet, how can an emotion be small enough to fit a compartment of time, words or body? I feel like I’m too big…

A Door Called Discomfort
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A Door Called Discomfort

Some days are recuperation. Some days are comfort. And some days are sitting with discomfort because that’s the name on the door behind which we stuff pain. Maybe it’s because I am facing head-on, things that trigger me and trying to learn new responses in doing so. Maybe it’s another…

The Bureacracy Of Time Travel
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The Bureacracy Of Time Travel

In 2019, I matched with someone on a dating app. We were having a great conversation, which in itself was surprising. Trying to find anything (companionship, laughter, connection, fun, attraction) via the interwebs designed to turn human response into capitalist touchpoints – is counterintuitive. What made it extra surprising was,…

Learning From Echoes
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Learning From Echoes

The thing about living through abuse, especially its public forms, is that after you get out, you start the process of surviving the memories of other people. You have to live through the echoes of the things you couldn’t hear. You remember the ones who saw you suffer & never…

Reluctantly Seeking Shah Rukh Fans
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Reluctantly Seeking Shah Rukh Fans

I visited North India (Himachal Pradesh & Chandigarh) this week. The last time I was there was in 2018, pulled abruptly out of an impending midlife crisis & looming health scares to cremate an unexpectedly deceased relative. I’ve never liked the mountains. My only associations with them have been under…

The Unloving Wanting
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The Unloving Wanting

I wonder if we fall a little too much in love with stories, especially ones we write ourselves. It’s a fallacy to call this love because this is an uncontrollable, desperate, choking stranglehold that is not loving, nurturing or caring. Love is not blind; it makes our vision clearer, if…

Pandemic Old

Pandemic Old

“How are you? How have you been? Who are you?” I don’t know how to answer these questions anymore, where once I had perfectly formulated, sure-as-steel answers. I’m still catching my breath and making sense of sounds. I’m experiencing the first summer in two years. In many ways, it is…

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What’s In A Name?

IdeaSmith is not just my name My Clubhouse bio says โ€œThat is my name. Say it like that only.โ€ IdeaSmith is a filter on who bothers to read the bio and who wants you to explain why you wonโ€™t fit the boxes they have in their heads. โ€œWhat an idea,…

Punks & Cheese
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Punks & Cheese

You are made for instant love stories,for picture-perfect odes,for sweet-scented songs,for candy smiles& dimple kisses I carry a pen dipped in bloodA shiv serves a chalkas I punk upa symmetric story& make it minewith a sweaty handprint Which is why I say nomore often than hell yes!(the only yes I…

Lemonade
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Lemonade

Little bits of crueltydrop off your wordslike ice shardsoff a glass of nimboopanithat still has a sliver or twoof lemon floating in itย And I hesitate to point it out I want to pick it out of your beingBefore you taste your own sournessBefore you have to swallowyour imperfectionsAnd before the…

What Does Loneliness Mean To You?
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What Does Loneliness Mean To You?

It occurred to me when I followed a trail down Saurabh Garg‘s Instagram Stories. He writes of the isolation of chasing material dreams. His friend who saw the same view spoke of a wineglass on a window sill. Me? I saw exquisite poetry laced with slivers of pain. Loneliness. To…

What About Regret?
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What About Regret?

@agentsofishq’s ‘An Evening of No Regrets’ gave me pause. Do I truly have no regrets?For most of my teen years & adult life, I’ve tried to live a life free of regret. Early on, this meant being cautious about navigating gender pressures & unrealistic expectations. The thing about growing up…

My Solo Dating Life
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My Solo Dating Life

Solo dates are my most enjoyable dates. Everything else is a blur of regressive social rituals, burdensome insights into other people slipping out from badly created pretences. The agency to be solo is hardwon. Solitude is a privilege for women. Everyone tries to fill up a woman’s time with their…

Colonising Love

Colonising Love

“You can give yourself a city if you love the whole world.” – ‘The High Priestess Never Marries’ by @sharanya_manivannan. Is that what Kannagi did? Do we love people or are we just uncontrollably drawn to colonise their minds, their bodies, their lives? Do I love? Do I love the…

Bridgerton 2: Kamasutra Chic Colonised By Peerage In A Racist Love Story
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Bridgerton 2: Kamasutra Chic Colonised By Peerage In A Racist Love Story

The second season of Bridgerton just dropped two days ago on Netflix India. I heard about it last year when a well-read (but admittedly elitist & shallow) friend raved about it most sincerely. I thought it was amusing, that a Regency era tale was cast with actors of colour. Historical…