Getting Drunk Is Like…

A few thoughts on alcohol…

Don’t drink and drive!!

Yes, I really do believe that! I don’t endorse rich brats mowing down pavement dwellers in their inebriation.

Okay, public service message done, I’ll proceed with my more mundane thoughts on inebriation. Every drink is unique as is every experience of drinking. For some of you who’re too smart to fall for another one of this world’s vices, here’s a dose of vicarious pleasure.

Getting drunk on…

…a glass of wine is like sex on a first date. Not exactly wrong, just unacceptable…at least to admit to. 

…a can of beer is like being caught while on a one-way, the wrong way. Idiotic to get into but just move on, will ya?

…a vodka drink is like wearing Jimmy Choos in the wrong size. You’re wobbling anyway so it isn’t even like it makes you look good, why not get something that’s more you?

…a shot of tequila is like being booed offstage. You have my sympathies, but only for the first time. 

…a breezer is like like wearing dark glasses at night. I may be kind to you alone, but in public, I soo don’t know you! 

…a drink of rum is like taking up a dare to walk the length of your window ledge. No one will respect you any less; in fact you’ll get a jolly pat on the back (and an elbow in the ribs) for trying it in the first place. Besides, it was fun, wasn’t it? 

…a liquer is like a bad case of acidity. You’re advised to stick to tea and lemonade.

While on all this, you can share my favorite poison here. And when I combine alcohol with my bigger vice, this is what happens.