A Stubborn New Year

I think being right in life is often about being the most stubborn. Hang in there long enough and you’ll see yourself being proven right. And wrong. All things happen in some measure and it’s hard to quantify exactly how much of what you predicted came true.

I’ll be forty soon. Did I live the right way, being (mostly) single? The big difference between my twenties and my thirties is that I went from being squelched under the pressure to couple up to free floating so lightly that no one seems to see me. There is a general assumption that I’m an ‘independent woman’ which translates to asexual and not needing empathy or support. People are also quick to jump to the ‘single by choice’ idea of which the underlying corollary is ‘Not wanting men/relationship/other people’. Is that true? Definitely not.

Might I have made a mistake if I had accepted any of the men who pressed their attentions onto me in my twenties (and there were a good few)? Honestly, I don’t know. It’s easy for me to say that I’d be stuck in a deadend, boring, stifling relationship, had I done so. But truly, who can say whether the people who made that choice really are unhappy? We define happiness in different ways. And since I went along a path that was largely solo, I learnt to make my peace with that and call that happiness and the opposite, unhappiness.

That’s similarly true about my professional choices. Breaking away from the corporate mould gave me an instant high that let me power into feeling attractive, confident, creative and more. But staying within the system may have given me more traditional accolades that would result in the same. So which way was the right one? Whichever one was stubborn enough to stand with.

It’s the first day of the year. So may be try being stubborn for once. You’ll get to where you want, sooner or later. A very happy new year.