Rebirth Feels A Lot Like Near-Death
I lost all my Instagram Drafts, at least 15 Drafts in stages of completion. Gone in one shot. Backup? I have a Gallery, Text Notes. But an Instagram post is more than a camera pic and hastily done caption.Last year I felt burnt out by the viciousness of social media, the cruelty on my timelines. I love the internet but this space that gave me a career, an identity, a tribe has become a dirty cesspool. Why continue in such a toxic space?
I decided to try creating the kind of ideas, behaviour & conversations that I wanted to receive. I picked Instagram, a platform I’d been on but not involved with greatly.It has not been an easy year. Betrayals, personal attacks, bullying, work worries and health issues. I have not been able to lie – my moods show. Nothing kills you like having to draw out hope and a smile when you’re battered.I had to unlearn the tendency to vomit online, then battle backlash. Even among those who make this space their home, there is unprovoked aggression. Being healthy & hopeful is not cool. Being authentic invites attack.
But goals empower me to do what is hard. I disengaged from people, conversations & spaces that dragged me down. I found myself watching my own emotions & their expression. Where once I would have turned to the internet to pour out heartbreak, disappointment, annoyance, rage in crafted words, I pondered how I could be less poisonous. I thought I was going to do this only for what would eventually become content. But I’d spent over a decade mining my own life, emotions & experiences for content. So in creating cleaner output, I was healing my insides.
Today I asked my audience if there was any reason I should stay. I was tired of solidiering on. Losing my work felt like defeat. But the answers touched me. You receive what you create. I have.My 💓 sinks at the thought of what I lost. But a blank slate always inspires me. And I have a healthier way to deal with life now. That sounds a lot like hope.
Thank you for reading and accompanying me on this journey. Also, Happy Easter and may the spirit of resurrection guide you!
📸: @irahuljadhav
🎶: CHAAND TAARE – YES BOSS
#theideasmithy
