Music Lessons With Lolita
Trigger Warning: Child S3xual Abuse. Read on Instagram.
Eena, I sang for an hour today
I like it when they clap
I like it when they tell me I sing well
He says I have a silvery voice
I’m like silver, I am silver
I like silver
I hate singing
Eena, I read Lolita today
That pervert
But he loved her
But she was only thirteen
But he loved her
Maybe it’s even harder to love than to be loved
Eena, I got the sharps right
The notes too but that’s never hard
I missed a chord
He gave me a kiss and said it’s fine
My fingers hurt
Something else does too
Eena, my arms go all the way
round the guitar now
I’m a big girl now
There’s a Beatles song that goes
While my guitar gently weeps
Eena, J said her sister
took lessons from him too
J said she stopped going
That bastard
Eena, he did the same thing to her
That bastard
Don’t swear, child
Eena, he did it to others
Shh, the world can hear your thoughts
Bastard
Fa la la la la la la
Eena, the neighbours are considering guitar lessons
Their daughter will soon be ten
It doesn’t matter
The silver songbird is silent
There is peace without music
But tell her, tell her, I told my mum
If someone had told us…
I didn’t finish. She was already dialing.
Eena, I saw him at the doctor’s today
And I nearly didn’t recognise him
He looked so sad and frail
Like a deflated balloon
after a child’s birthday party
Who loves the streamers when the party is done?
Who remembers a balloon after its air is gone?
Eena, he was so sad
Eena, I’m reading a book
About dwarves & dragons & trolls & giants
It says pity stayed his hand,
pity may have saved his life
I am 21, Eena
and my biggest heartbreak
is a boy six months my senior
Not a 40 year old man who was my teacher
Eena, they call it CSA now
And we are not victims, they say,
we’re survivors
But Eena, I was never a victim
and I’m no more a survivor
than any person who reads a murder mystery
and gets to the end, is
With or without tears
This story did not kill me, Eena
I turned the page
when it was time to move on
Books saved me or maybe pity did
Goodbye Eena and thank you
Go remind another child
she can be her own hero too.
Me Too but you know, hashtag YouToo.
