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8 Comments

  1. @Sudeep: Thank you! This has been immensely useful- a real lesson in why some standard constructs like third person accounts being better than first person….can have exceptions like this case. Also, thank you for the compliment on the blog. I included a lot of gizmos and titbits exactly for people like you who would visit and enjoy them. Unfortunately, they slowed down the blog considerably so I’ve had to get rid of them. I hope to be able to sort that out and still keep the blog interesting as well as accessible. I do hope you’ll be back!

  2. When I read the first paragraph I thought which account do I generally like. the answer was 3rd person coz it gives me a sense of imagination and I create characters and see them moving while reading. The first account mostly fails to give me that kind of liberty.
    But this time it was the opposite. Mostly due to the already pointed out things in above comments, tenses and the name. Maine naam padhke yehi socha ki arre Sheila.. she.. she.. sheila hmm.
    I still wish that the first part wins with a bit of re-work.
    .-= Sudeep´s last blog ..Life is a circle =-.

  3. @PS: Thou art awesomeness, personified. I’ve taken this conversation to email.

    @Unmana: Thank you, that’s useful.

    @as: I like the sound of that and I understand why you like it. Thanks, that’s exactly what I was looking for. It makes perfect sense, btw.

    @Hyde: The name is a valuable point. I’ll definitely be keeping that one in mind, thanks!

  4. In addition to what has already been said, I think the choice of the name is wrong.

    Sheila and She together appear way too often for comfort. If you chose a name that didn’t start with a See or She sound I think the third person narrative would have been better.

    First person will always come across as a better narrative especially if it is about emotions. It gives the reader a greater sense of involvement.
    .-= Hyde´s last blog ..The teacher =-.

  5. Its all so first person.
    the first one seems .. umm .. artificial. I cant put a finger to it .. maybe its the tense thats not right ?

    The second one is so much more .. umm .. natural. like i am walking behind you in ghost mode, seeing what you see , feeling what you feel. does that make any sense ? :-s

  6. The second one. The story is all about memories, so the first person account seems much more impactful. I also agree with PS about the tenses clashing.

  7. The first one, has too much Sheila in it. The tenses clash- “Sheila Rai lived in the same house for the first twenty years of her life. The first time her family moved, is an experience etched in her mind in sharp relief.”

    It just feels alien. Like it was adapted from another version.

    On the other hand, the first person version is heartfelt. It feels natural, like I am a part of your/sheila’s life. Without my or her knowing it. It flows, very very subtly, but emotes much more powerfully than the third person version.

    I think we are, by nature, just those type of people who emote very eloquently in fiction, when its first person, and very eloquently in non-fiction, when its third person. 🙂

    It’s has an amazing sense of spontaneity, though. The story. Like it just flowed out while you were writing it.
    .-= PS´s last blog ..How awesome are we? =-.