J is back in my life. But of course….opportunity will hammer my door down no matter how many times I slam it on its smug, grinning face. J never went anywhere actually, but she’s back metaphorically….the concept of J and after all, all I ever see in people is what they stand for, the concept that they represent to me.
There are two women in my life. One of them reminds me of J so much that its all I can do to keep from calling her J’s name. She irritates me and annoys me in exactly the same way J did. And I make allowances for her judgement because of my love for J.
The other one isn’t anything like J, at first impression. But when I dig deeper, she stands for exactly the same thing. I once said about J,
She brings stability to my life, I bring variety to hers. My rock of Gibralter, the beacon in my confusion, my dear friend J.
Yes, my new dear friend is all of this, minus J’s small world vision. Oh and this struck me only when I realised that she and J share their birthdays. But of course, there’s no such a thing as coincidence.
I’ve chosen to keep both of them in my life. The first one teaches me respect…and I mean real respect, not fond indulgence or reluctant, angry resignation….for an alternate world view. The second one has brought me back everything that was dear and special to me in my friendship with J. If I couldn’t take both lessons from the same person the first time round, I’ve been sent two different teachers this time round.
I’m rationalizing, of course. But of course, I’m only human, I have to find my own ways to deal with the perplexity that is this universe around me.
Besides, I’ll only be a good story-teller when I am my own best audience.