I so much wish I was writing a post on how to sustain relationships. But that’s just not something I can claim to be an authority on, can I? So instead, I write on how to break-up.

I read a post on a friend’s blog today which touched a raw nerve. From what I’ve seen, the person in question probably doesn’t actually believe it but simply found it amusing. So I’m not linking back to that reference.

The post had tips on how to break-up while avoiding the discomfort of the whole process. Now, having gone through this so very many times, I can attest to the fact that practice does not make perfect. There is no easy way to dump someone or get dumped for that matter. In either case you look bad, it is uncomfortable for both parties.

That should perhaps be one’s solace, that no one is the ‘winner’ in this. Its a relationship that needs termination, not a race or a war – at least I hope it hasn’t reached that stage. Even in the worst, most unpleasant situations, try and remember that there must have been some nice moments with the person. That’s probably preachy and I can’t live up to that always, myself, so I’ll try another tack.

Speaking out of pure practical intent, if its over, the person and the relationship does not deserve any more time and attention invested in them. Make a clean break, it is really the simplest thing to do. Elaborate farces, heavy emotional drama all of them take their toll…or at very least require you to do SOMETHING…anything.

And finally I think anybody who has been close to you, even briefly deserves the dignity of the truth, at least. Leaving a person with empty questions is consigning a shitload of emotional baggage to their lot. Maybe that’s what you want after how they’ve made you feel…but really, how much do you gain over making a person think of you everyday, badly? I’d rather they don’t think of me at all than think of me maliciously.

Don’t bother with the blame-game (how does it matter who is responsible anyway? Believe me you’re going to feel just as shitty about it, whether you acknowledge it or not). And honestly, honestly it does not matter who actually verbalises it, partings are generally painful anyway.

As for how they are going to react, if you’re breaking up with them, why should it matter anymore? I tell myself that…and yes, I’m a person who can’t handle other people’s emotional scenes and tears. They are responsible for their behaviour but you are responsible for yours.

I’m all for a clean break, the simple truth, served up direct without frills.

Being at peace with yourself is often a function of how cleanly you’ve lived your choices. Think of all that, the next time you need to call a halt to a relationship.


* A later version of this post is here. One version also appears on Yahoo! Real Beauty.

6 thoughts on “How to break up”
  1. “I’m all for a clean break, the simple truth, served up direct without frills”

    Yes agree with you but that doesn’t always happen now does it?

  2. Skipped to second post after I read the newer one!!

    what you say “I’m all for a clean break, the simple truth, served up direct without frills”

    and what Mel says
    “Yes agree with you but that doesn’t always happen now does it?”

    .. one of the main reasons for the desired “dis-association”( as i can call it) is that the communication link has slowly been eroding without the two actually coming to know.
    even if the wo are comin to know.. they are happier to supress that knowledge !

    after some experiance ( well not something to boast of though) in the subject, I feel, its usually caused due a good heady mixture of opposing views, thoughts and beliefs in our own minds ( and probabaly also the other person) causing break-offs!!
    half of our minds are in favour and half not… which allows the whole thing to get carried from level zero throught 1,2,3 and bang!!
    I might just have gone into rambling mode , but thats what’s triggered!!!

    and hey Ideasmithy… just dont desert so many readers…
    thats just not done now!!

  3. Read this today- Like I said before Idea-I personally would not do many of the things I had mentioned in my post- However I have come across instances when people have used many or most of the ways\methods mentioned….
    Break-up may be seen as a Beginning or a End depending on the situation- and the way one handles it is also very very individualistic and trust me there are people who do not know how to handle it- they would rather go to the moon rather than face the person and say “its all over”

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