What About Regret?

@agentsofishq’s ‘An Evening of No Regrets’ gave me pause. Do I truly have no regrets?For most of my teen years & adult life, I’ve tried to live a life free of regret. Early on, this meant being cautious about navigating gender pressures & unrealistic expectations. The thing about growing up a girl & experiencing abuse ... Read More

Talking About Love With You

You tell me this is what it means to loveYou say that is love, this is lovingYou point me to poetryas a dictionary for the love languageAnd therapy terminologyto dissect this feeling These my friend,are conversations about love,Not love itself(And note, that I call you ‘friend’,not ‘my love’)Because I’ve read the dictionaries wellAnd I follow ... Read More

Vanity Is A Superpower

I feel like I’m a different person out in the world. I enjoy dressing up because I love the reactions of the world to my style. It’s not always positive. I also find ridicule, envy, shaming & other things. Each is a reaction, a conversation with society, with humanity in general.I’ve dearly missed that this ... Read More

π——π—œπ—šπ—‘π—œπ—§π—¬ π—œπ—‘ 𝗔 π—ͺ𝗒π—₯π—Ÿπ—— 𝗒𝗙 π—§π—¨π— π—¨π—Ÿπ—§

I’ve been thinking about dignity. I do, a lot, especially when I feel I’ve not been dignified. I haven’t felt it lately because I haven’t felt in control of anything. But dignity isn’t about control, is it? I realised that most of my emotional decisions were trauma reactions. It wasn’t devastating even if it did ...

Seeking Sincerity

Does anybody remember Sincerity? She hasn’t been seen in a long time. We read about her in Moral Science textbooks. We co-opted her name in the style of the (insincere) British as we learnt to sign letters. Sincerely, Yours. Sincerity was never in vogue. He’s come in under attack by Popularity who really got a ... Read More

Shameless Self

A friend’s admission about experiencing shaming made me think. All shaming is bullying. We all know what shaming feels like. We’ve been in the presence of other people’s distress, of remembered hurt, of confusion & fear. We’ve been at the receiving end of people who can’t or won’t manage their hurts better. We’ve been around ... Read More

π•„π•Œπ•‹π•Œπ”Έπ•ƒ π•„π•€π•Šπ”Ήπ”Όβ„π”Έπ•π•€π•†π•Œβ„

Do we know how to relate to other people without fear & hurt driving us?What we call relationships seem to be people taking turns to misbehave.When small children behave badly, it’s called tantrum throwing. They’re parented with punishments to instill fear & distress – adult version of the same. Women throw tantrums, men withold affection. ...

π•Ώπ–π–Š π•Ώπ–œπ–” π•½π–Šπ–†π–‰π–Šπ–—π–˜

Remember the collectors’set I received in π•Ώπ–π–Š π•±π–Šπ–‘π–‘π–”π–œπ–˜π–π–Žπ–• 𝕺𝖋 π•Ώπ–π–Š π•½π–Šπ–†π–‰π–Šπ–—π–˜? I got to 19 without completing it. Final year, I was regretfully back in a course I’d tried to escape, squirming in a world that never stopped feeling foreign. Old associations die harder than habits so I didn’t have friends. I returned to the ...

Healing In A Time Of Hate

A few years ago, I fell in with an activist group. I was out of an abusive relationship with no way to process. I was being blamed, urged to hide it, shamed for saying it did happen. I could barely think through the pain & gaslighting. When the group named it trauma, I felt able ... Read More

The Public Personal

I lost a friendship sometime ago because the person took something I said on one of my Instagram Lives, personally. I don’t know what was said or which Live it was but I know I didn’t say anything aimed at them or about them. I know this because I’ve been doing this for 16 years. ... Read More