Urban Domestica – Peace in Pieces

We must find our rituals of peace. We must find them in incompletion. We must create them in unpeaceful conditions. We must if we must breathe easy, sleep easy, live easy. Mine are domestic chores. There’s something about mundane domesticity that counteracts my dramatic larger than life. It grounds my fire intentions & my water ... Read More

Nature’s Love, Loss & Lessons

One adult lizard lives outside my window peaceably. I have a veritable garden in my window that I lavish with love & care. And when the lizard first showed up, I was apprehensive as I am around anyone new. But we seemed to understand each other. That lizard is rarely visible. It must realise that ... Read More

A Year Of Lonely Love & Communal Grief

For JD It’s coming on an year since our last conversation. A week when we were negotiating our definitions of intimacy, proximity, boundaries & identity. Sadly, I don’t even have the records of that any more. My phone crashed abruptly, last month. This is the same phone that you helped me test. Well, not the ... Read More

The Compassion Chemical

I have been thinking about compassion. I find there’s no room for it in the stories we embrace to guide our lives. It is this that makes me feel I’m overflowing out of my body, spaces & life. What I have in me is labelled & pre-valued for tangible effects. Skills, decisions, actions. Feelings are ... Read More

A Door Called Discomfort

Some days are recuperation. Some days are comfort. And some days are sitting with discomfort because that’s the name on the door behind which we stuff pain. Maybe it’s because I am facing head-on, things that trigger me and trying to learn new responses in doing so. Maybe it’s another point on the pendulum of ... Read More

Learning From Echoes

The thing about living through abuse, especially its public forms, is that after you get out, you start the process of surviving the memories of other people. You have to live through the echoes of the things you couldn’t hear. You remember the ones who saw you suffer & never said a word. You remember ... Read More

Sweet Tooth

This was written for the prompt Sweet | given by Girish Krishnakumar for Alphabet Sambar’s weekly themed mic room. ~O~O~O~O~O~O~ Sweet Tooth. I didn’t have one. There was no room for sweetness in my world that demanded the efficiency of kitchen logistics & transactions of nutrition. Or the speed of an ambitious life or the ... Read More

Last Mile Hope

The most uncomfortable thing about the pandemic has been living with Fearful Me. I never liked fear. I can’t even enjoy rollercoasters, speed or horror stories as entertainment. I’ve evaded fear with plans, efficiency, aggression. Because fear paralyses me, I’ve been scared of stopping & never being able to start again. The hardest thing of ... Read More

I See Hope Silently

Let the waves comeLet the winds blowLet me be soaked, burnt, frozenTrampled by every manner of foe Let the shouts riseLet the voices echoLet there be slogans, insults, criesAnd words that land like blows I will melt, I will breakI will drown, I will searI will bear every wound & ache; no defensesI’ll welcome even ... Read More

When Abandonment Wounds Are Your Teacher

There comes a point when you have to act like the person who left you will never come back. It’s essential to accept it in order to seek healing. But at some point, you must also ask yourself that if they do return, whether you’ll take them back. That’ll tell you if you’re healing or ... Read More