Chronic Thinker

Reflections, musings, general dairying

Back To School

by IdeaSmith
I started teaching an undergraduate course at a college that is allied with the one from where I graduated. I have taken exams in this very building. I’ve also represented another alma mater years later in a college festival and performed on the stage of this one. Now, I take the same road, stop at ... Read More

Checklist Of Closures

by IdeaSmith
2022 feels like a checklist of long pending accounts being closed. The year began completely wrenched out of my control. Ignoring my qualms about a new variant & their lingering health issues, my familiy insisted on traveling in the first week of January. They returned with COVID. For years now, my life has felt like ... Read More

A Year Of Lonely Love & Communal Grief

by IdeaSmith
For JD It’s coming on an year since our last conversation. A week when we were negotiating our definitions of intimacy, proximity, boundaries & identity. Sadly, I don’t even have the records of that any more. My phone crashed abruptly, last month. This is the same phone that you helped me test. Well, not the ... Read More

The Bureacracy Of Time Travel

by IdeaSmith
In 2019, I matched with someone on a dating app. We were having a great conversation, which in itself was surprising. Trying to find anything (companionship, laughter, connection, fun, attraction) via the interwebs designed to turn human response into capitalist touchpoints – is counterintuitive. What made it extra surprising was, that this was one of ... Read More

What Does Loneliness Mean To You?

by IdeaSmith
It occurred to me when I followed a trail down Saurabh Garg‘s Instagram Stories. He writes of the isolation of chasing material dreams. His friend who saw the same view spoke of a wineglass on a window sill. Me? I saw exquisite poetry laced with slivers of pain. Loneliness. To my dear Libran friend here, ... Read More

What About Regret?

by IdeaSmith
@agentsofishq’s ‘An Evening of No Regrets’ gave me pause. Do I truly have no regrets?For most of my teen years & adult life, I’ve tried to live a life free of regret. Early on, this meant being cautious about navigating gender pressures & unrealistic expectations. The thing about growing up a girl & experiencing abuse ... Read More

SOARING SOLO

by IdeaSmith
Life feels easier when you realise they don’t understand you. Can’t, won’t try & probably never will. But that is okay because when there’s no one around to live your life for you, is when you start to breathe. And you realise you don’t need anyone to understand you. It may make things easier in ... Read More

Last Mile Hope

by IdeaSmith
The most uncomfortable thing about the pandemic has been living with Fearful Me. I never liked fear. I can’t even enjoy rollercoasters, speed or horror stories as entertainment. I’ve evaded fear with plans, efficiency, aggression. Because fear paralyses me, I’ve been scared of stopping & never being able to start again. The hardest thing of ... Read More

Hope Grows In My Garden 🌱

by IdeaSmith
I’ve been a plant parent for 12 years. I started with a sprig of ajwain stuck in a pot & it grew & grew. Some of you adopted its babies in little pots & they grow with proud fortitude in your homes. Over the years, I added herbs (kadi-patta, pudina, basil). I had a brief ...