Why do abused women support misogynist regimes? Maybe it’s because their violators were feminists. What, is that not possible? Yes, it is. I’m living proof that it happens.

Feminism, activism, promises & politics are words. Hot air, marks on surfaces. Sometimes those marks are wounds on bodies & minds. Ideas are pure thought but ideologies are violent, imposing, restless, eager to occupy & colonise. If your coloniser speaks a sweet tongue, its words will forever sound like pain to you. And it is instinct to move towards safety, even if you’re moving the wrong way.

Our politics come from deeply ingrained personal affections, loyalties and yes, traumas. We don’t support what is fair because that is an absolute. And to be human is to be biased, to have uncontrollable emotional triggers & to be driven by them. We support what makes us feel seen, heard & safe. It is that personal & yes, it’s selfish.

We also speak what we wish, not really our truth. Wishes are after all, emotional. The truth is a sharp sword that requires us to slice out every single thing that we feel makes us, us. How can we possibly do that & hope to stay standing long enough to bear truth? So we hide under banners of ideologies, tucking in our stray wounds. We edit, even illogically so we belong.

And is this weak or cowardly? The only thing I’d describe that way is denial. It’s denial to be apathetic. It’s also denial to pretend that our motives are completely unselfish. It is weak to use the social currency of an ideology to justify personal failings. But also, we all do that.

It’s unrealistic to be apolitical. But it’s also unrealistic to expect to fit cleanly & perfectly into something ephemeral as an ideology.

I’ve been bitterly disappointed this week. My first hope of healing is in realising that humanity transcends ideology. An individual is bigger than an idea. Bigger than words & labels. And changing.

I was inspired, yes. I was disappointed, true. This doesn’t render the words untrue. Because the inspiration, the wounds & my healing is me & true.

#Ideart: Face paint themed ‘Book love’

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