This week I’ve been indulging my hobby of classifying human behaviour & personalities into types with the original system – zodiac signs! It’s also the theme of my Instagram Live at 10PM IST tonight which will be saved as a video to my IGTV later.

Imagine each zodiac sign as a feminist.

β™ˆ ARIES: MARD TEREKO DIKHATI HOON DARD KUTTE KAMINE

♉ TAURUS: No, that’s not nice of you. Behave now. Let’s eat, smile and sleep. Discrimination? *Nuclear explosion*

β™Š GEMINI: Internalised misogyny is problematic but there’s something to the Prince Charming fantasy as long as I can be prince but rescue me….

β™‹ CANCER: I don’t know, it’s raining and I’m sad and I have to run the company. When I was a child, a feminist taught me to dream and it was silvery. I hope my boyfriend brings me flowers or I’ll have to take the flower shop over.

β™Œ LEO: Equality? Yeah sure whatever. Put it next to my prime rib served on a silver platter and maybe I’ll look at it after my nap.

♍ VIRGO: The birth ratio is alarming. We also need more funds to set up counselling for downtrodden women. And vaccination drives.

β™Ž LIBRA: I’ll talk to you after you’ve dressed up in designer threads and brushed up on Mozart. By then, I’ll probably have taken over the world so bye.

♏ SCORPIO: You dare? Hmm… *darkness falls* *toofani raat sex tere saath* Everyone found dead.

♐ SAGITTARIUS: Equal rights is obvious, why are you such an idiot? Sorry, I didn’t mean to idiot-shame you. Chal, let’s go drink.

β™‘ CAPRICORN: Here’s my contract. We already agreed on equality. Thank you for confirmation. I’ll send you my invoice at the end of the month.

β™’ AQUARIUS: Feminism? Oh right, that 60s thing. Sorry, I haven’t kept up since I got on that Mars mission.

β™“ PISCES: Here’s water for Gemini to drink, Aries to wipe the blood, Scorpio to wipe other things, Sagittarius to hydrate, Cancer stop crying, wait I seem to be melting

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