Desire puts us in the space of seeing what we need, what we yearn for. And this, right now after a long period of starvation & loneliness & desolation is shadowy. The needs are real but are they deep or transient? Will they vanish like FOMO the minute they are satiated, leaving behind slight disgust at the self? Will they dissolve into completion & then evaporate into more of the same, like hunger followed by a feast? Will they rage on unfettered like lust?
I find myself paralysed by these questions & I’m glad for it. It tells me I’m not yet a slave to desire. At the same time, I see how I’ve clamped down on my own desires for years, from the shaming & disappointment. Maybe this is not reticence but fear, a trauma reaction. There is nothing wise about deadening one’s life source & what is more life-affirming than the pounding pulse of desire?
So is desire greed & need in their most cancerous forms? Or it is a beacon guiding us to our truest motivations? Disappointment tells me humanity will never satiate or fulfill me. That is frustrating only to a point. Then there is the calm that comes with being in harmony with desire. Knowing it will never be quenched. And that’s okay because to desire is to be you. Everything else is just notebooks & toys on the way. If you’re lucky, maybe there’ll even be a playmate or two.